Happy Birthday My 22 year old Son!

Twenty two years ago I had this kid he was at that time my third child and for a while I thought he was my last. Well two more kids were born after him and he became a victim of middle child syndrome. Now since I am a middle child and I know all about this phenomena I wanted to make sure Gio did not suffer to much because of the hand he was dealt in the birth order. I showered him with affection and went to all his games practices you name it I was there. See but it was not enough he kept getting more intense as the years went by and quiet. I worried a lot but there is really not much you can do when things are out of your control. I have always tried to be there for this kid who in appearance does not really need me. The reality is a whole other thing but sometime as parent we fail to see that fine line. I think that for the most part I did a good job, regrets I have many but in relationship to him. I wished I had forced him to hang out with me more not always let him do his thing. Why you ask well because then he would not go around thinking I loved his sisters more because I was always hanging out with them. We would go out dancing parties you name it I was there with the girls. Gio did his thing and he felt left out even when he did not say it. Now as I look back it's very easy to place blame on myself but I can't do that parenting is not about placing blame it's about learning and more learning. It's about saying I am sorry can we try again. I am trying very hard to be there in the moment with this intense child of mine. To be there when he just needs to talk. To be there when he needs to yell to be there when he needs to laugh. I know he suffered when he was younger when others would make fun of me because I am an overweight woman. He took this to heart and part of me always felt he was ashamed to be seen with me. I think we got over that one but it's really hard for him to talk about this so there might be some unrelated stress on his part because of this. How do I feel about this issue well It think I might have some unresolved issues of my own but that one is for another entry. Today the entry is about him this child I love so much and would die for in an instant. This is an entry celebrating him. Twenty two years ago he was born and not a day goes by I am not gratefull for the blessing he is to me. Happy Birthday Gio may all your dreams become a reality one way or another. Love ya Mom!!