A little bit of this and a little bit of that!

My life is always a roller Coaster but love keeps me grounded!

Today I come to my blog with the full knowledge that I have neglected one of the things that kept me sane. I needed to find a focus for my spirit and writing has always been the place to go when I was not feeling safe. Then tragedy hits my family and the thing that kept me sane became the thing I feared the most. To sit down and write down my thoughts and strip my soul, became an unbearable proposition. I would sit on my computer and was paralyzed and not able to connect to all those people that have been my cyber friends for so many years, that saw me develop as an artist and that knew some of the struggles of my family. Now here I am feeling more at peace and being able to sit down a write and let the free flow of words be my salvation and my connection to humanity. I think that even if the fear of being out there and just saying what you feel, I can connect with just one person then my vulnerability becomes a strength. Life as always in our family is not boring and is always full of many things. Zion just turned a year old on September 10, and here is his one year Photos, I have hundreds more but these where the one that I wanted to post today. The talk to me and tell me that even though his life has been touched by tragedy the love that we all have for him has made him flourish and become this amazing human being that always makes me smile. Jimmy started Third grade this year and although his Autism some days makes school such a hard place for him, he manages to make lemonades out the lemons he has been dealt. I am constantly in awe of all the things I learn being around him. I think that what he brings into our life is this new way to look at the world imperfections become perfection, because after all who is really perfect, and who is to say that the way he perceives the world is really that strange. I love watching Jimmy with Zion, the way he has taken to being a big brother and how protective he is of Zion and how much he loves him. I watch Zion follow him around and wanting to be like his big brother and I am filled with this immense love that burst inside of me because after all that is what family is all about loving each other with no conditions put on that love. There are really no words in the world that can truly explain how I feel so sometimes it is easier to let the camera capture how I see the people I love and what they bring to me. It is through the camera that I can capture what I call the essence of my love for them. Hope that life is good to all of you and I promise to write more often and show you more of what I have been up to. To all my friends thank you for not giving up on me, as friends go you guys are golden, I don't think I can say the same for myself, I love you all and missed you. Hugs today and always Wanda

I am alive and well just silent at the moment.

I want to start this post by apologizing to all the people who read this blog and have not heard from me in a while. While I have legitimate reasons for my silence I know my family reads this blog and I have done a pretty bad job on keeping everyone updated. I am going to try and do a better job in the coming few months. I also will be putting up some of my latest designs of my custom jewelery so keep your eyes open for that one. I only make one design of any piece I make which gives you and exclusive look any time you wear it. Now on to the good stuff What has happened to me and my family the last few months. On February 23, 2008 my daughter's partner and father of her now ten month old baby died. He died at the age of 25 and left a void in my daughter's life that we as a family are trying to make sure we try to fill, the truth is that we can only be there to support and love her and her kids but the journey towards her healing and journey of grieving she needs to do herself. This has been a really hard time for our family economically, emotionally and spiritually. I believe that the only reason I have been able to move forward is because of the great system of support that is my family and the love they give me everyday to continue the work I have to do. My friends from near and far that have sent a word of love and support and that have helped me in so many ways that they really have no idea of the extent of my gratitude. They have been there to listen and care and money can't really pay for this. I feel that at times I was an entity being pulled in so many directions that the one thing I had to give up was my internet community, and it really felt lonely but because I started working full time in January it was harder than I thought. As a teacher I commit myself to doing my best for the kids I teach, sometimes that meant coming home baby sitting Zion and then calling parents to make sure their kids were doing what they had to do, or just calling parents to tell them what a wonderful job their kid was doing. The extra time I had has been devoted to creating scrapbooks for my family, a memorial album for Mitchell and my jewelery which is such an awesome outlet for my creativity. I stopped submiting to magazines because I wanted to make sure I was there for Nyome, Jimmy and Zion. I know that we still have a long road ahead of us and that it is not going to be easy to just mourn and forget but I want to honor Mitchell the best way I can and to me that is being there for Zion and Nyome who he adored and making sure that Zion has visual memories of his father that I captured over the six years he and Nyome where together. I know the void he has left in all our hearts is not something that will go away but he is one that always said life has to be lived and with that in mind I want to honor him by making sure people don't forget how much he loved life. His death was an accident caused by poor decision making on his part, but the life he lived has intense and all who knew him loved him, becuase all he wanted from life was to be loved. He would always asked me why is it that you always love your kids unconditionally and my answer was I know all their shortcommings but they are my children the gift that life gave me and to me loving then comes naturally and I will never put conditions on that love. He would say that is the way I love Nyome and Zion. Now he is gone and it worries me that I might not be able to convey to my daughter how important it is for her to honor him by living her life to the fullest it is hard to see anything when you are in so much pain. I am glad she has Zion and Jimmy to keep her centered.

I want to use this entry to tell my brother Jeff and his Wife mocica how much their love and support for me has meant to me. No words can really explain how even through the distance your love touches me. I will never take that love for granted.

I will be sharing photos in the coming days hopefully you will tune back. Remeber life is not always what we want it is a gift that we are given to live and learn and sometimes we don't always understand why things haappen but they do.