News and more news.

This has been a very interesting two weeks. Life has given me many surprises some that are not to good some which are life changing. The not so good one's I will not dwell on life is to precious a gift to waste on what you can;t change. I only mention it so people that read this blog don't think that my life is all about the good stuff. My life is balanced because I really focus on the positive and celebrate the negative as a rite of passage that I call life. The negative stuff makes me grow the positive stuff makes me happy I am alive. For people that have been reading my blog you know the struggle with my health the last year has been, well on December 12, 2006 my life will change forever and that is a good thing. I am having Gastric bypass Surgery on this day. This has been a five year process in the making and now it is finally going to happen. I really want to make sure that people understand that I did not come to this decision lightly but as my health has been deteriorating I realized I needed to take steps to be around for a while. The next step in this process will be a two knee replacement that will happen in the summer. My hope is that with the weight loss my knees will not need to be replaced for a while my surgeon says he doesn't want me to have unrealistic expectation, but hey I am a dreamer so I can only hope. So for the next few months my blog will not only be an outlet for my art but it will serve as a dairy of sorts in which I document the transformation of my physical body. My issues if any is that I truly love this person I am and I am having issues coming to terms with the drastic changes that are ahead. Will the person who looks at me in the mirror a year from now be as happy with who she is as I am now? I really worry about this, but it is all a work in progress and my hope is that the love and support I have from my family and the friends I have will help me become as strong within my transformation as I am now. It is part of the growing process to surround yourself with the love of those that believe in you and their love will become your strands when you are weak. The circle of life if you want to give it a name. My thoughts for today is to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving if you celebrate the Holiday. I am more about the family on this time of year. I don't celebrate Thanksgiving as much as I celebrate the joy of having a family and being alive. Here are a few of older layouts that I really love!! Hugs and be safe and happy remember to cherish each day with all your heart! Wanda

Many things change some of them stay the same!!

Busy creating and thinking

I can't believe the weekend is almost over. Life has that tendency to keep on going can't stop it from moving if I say so myself. I was busy this weekend creating editing photos and doing layouts for my friend Sylvie's little girls. I do enjoy doing these little girls are very special. Jimmy is spending Halloween with his Dad I hope Nyome gets to have him for some hours, he is Rafael of the Ninja turtles. I love that little guy he makes me smile. He is so verbal now compared to where he was two years ago it is funny to hear him talk and be sassy and all. I have pictures of him in his costume I have to post them. I also have a layout made but all my paper layouts are waiting to b e scanned. That is the hardest part of sharing scanning and stitching which is why I love Digital instant gratification and it is beautiful to boot. My health is stable that is all I will say for now it is all a process I have an appointment on Tuesday and maybe more answers by then. The weekend was almost drama free and for that I am thankful. Kids I tell you no matter what age they are a handful. Here is some of the things I have been working on. I am also posting some photos with Jimmy and his costume and some from the pumpkin patch. I love seeing the relationship Jimmy has with his Titi Nicole she adores him and he adores her back. Life should be so simple. Today I was reminded one more time why I love my mother so much regardless of the fact that every once in a while she reminds me I might not get to heaven if I continue in the path I am. Hey it's my Mom she can tell me anything. Anyways she came to visit with my brother and they joined us for Dinner good thing I still have the Habit of cooking for Many so there is always plenty of food. We sat down and visited and we were talking about my upcoming surgery and it was just nice to just talk to her. It is one of those moments you just cherish forever, reminds me of how lucky and blessed to have her in my life and how she has molded the person I am today. I do love her so much sometimes words are not enough. So I write it down so when she reads the blog she knows I always listen and I always think about what she says. I might not always do things her way but I always listen to her words of wisdom after all she is my mother. Today I was talking to Nyome and her Dad about my last wishes if anything were to happen to me it's important to talk about these things life and death should be a part of the human experience. I was talking about wanting to be cremated and no life support for me I do not wish to be a burden to anyone. I now some people have issues when others talk about death but to me it is such a normal extension of living I want to remind them of how I feel. It was not a sad talk it was a matter of fact conversation that makes me happy I can have and not feel sad about my choices because I know they will respect them. Nyome was funny said to her Dad you know if Mom dies you will die right after her you guys can't live with out each other. I laughed but it is true I have no Idea what would happen if I loss Jose so we are not going to go there at least not today. Well enough of my mussings for today hope you have a wonderful week and remeber to make sure you tell the people you love that you love them. Blogger is acting up so photos will come later sorry!! Hugs Wanda

I do love to create because when I do I am free to be ME!!

I have been creating like crazy but I really do not feel the need to post on the boards which is ok but how do I keep my name out there if people don't see my work. I am so happy I have a blog. I can be free to be who I want to be and only answer to me when I make mistakes. It has been a busy week. I love my job I have always loved teaching but this year there is this new love for what I am doing. I have kids that make me smile who are so smart and so eager to learn, I have some who really don't know what they want but are still searching. I have some that just make me laugh. I also have some that even though they challenge my patience I have grown to love them and think of them all the time. Why is it that the kids that give you the hardest time are the ones you think about the most, I mean I think of them and smile. I really think there has to be something wrong with me but hey it's all good. My health a lot of you have asked and there are no updates in this department, so hard to be in limbo. I am doing all the Doctor says and even though there are days in which the pain in my knees is so bad all I want to do is cry, I do what I have to do and take care of myself. I have an appointment on the 31 of this month and maybe I will have more answers then. I got an Email form Kim Luthy that they were going to be publishing one of my post in the NSA blog needless to say I was flattered and honored to be chosen. I love Kim and the energy she brings to everything she does. http://nsavoices.typepad.com/ The link is for you to check them out on Friday. I am looking forward to what people think of my story. The creating front is good tomorrow I will be cropping all day and I am so looking forward to that. I need to do this often before the weather gets so bad and no one can drive me at night. They say this winter is going to be interesting. On Saturday we had almost three inches of snow. Sylvie my friend from Thailand had her baby girl Anjali and she is beautiful, Amelie is now a big sister. I get to scrapbook both sisters and I am so honored I can do that. Tomorrow is Giovanni's birthday, my son is going to be 23 years old and he is such a blessing. I know my mother reads this blog so I want to let her know how much I love her and that her love for me is my rock. My siblings who also read this blog I love you all and I want to make sure you all know. To my children who also come to read this I know you guys are not perfect but you are all mine and for that I am honored. I love what you are faults and all and I thank my lucky stars I get to be your Mom. Here are some of my latest creations. I hope you like them leave some love if you can!! Hugs Wanda

The week is already gone?

This week has gone by so fast and a part of me wonders where did it go. Do not get me wrong I love the weekend but right now there is so much work to do with my students that I want to make sure all of it gets done. So Monday we go back to the grind. This weekend I will be creating on Saturday I have an all day crop and hopefully will get a lot done. I am not a fast scraper so I could use this time. I was thinking about this movement I am seeing of people leaving their blogs or any creative endeavor because they feel they are taking away from their family. I understand this it is all about balance. My kids are older so my worries are of a different nature. So I continue to create because it really keeps me sane. Sylvie my beautiful friend from Thailand had her baby no pictures yet but I can't wait to see Anjali. Amelie now has a baby sister to play with. I decided to share some of my older layouts in the blog some are two years old some are six months I think one is almost three years. Someone told me I was always ahead of my time. I wonder why. Leave some love if you come to visit!! Hugs Wanda

The Drama of real life!!

My poor neglected blog I confess that the reason is because I believe that if you have nothing positive to share just keep thinking about what you have to say. So now as I sit here I want to share some lessons I have learned in the last two months. I have been busy with work, this is my first year teaching over 120 students, so trying to keep up is always a challenge. I want to do the best job possible but I also want to challenge them to do their best. This week I saw kids about to give up on themselves because they are not used to being successful. That worries me I know these kids are capable brilliant and more. Why are they giving up? What can I do? I am still thinking about this but it is hard for me to watch because I will never give up on them. I have been doing this for 15 years and it really does not get easy. Every new group of kids brings a different challenge to the table, and while I welcome the challenge it is sometimes overwhelming when I think too much about it. I am very fortunate this year to have a student teacher that is very capable and that has created great connections with the kids and that I can bounce ideas and frustrations with him and we can come up with solutions together. Makes my job a little easier. The department has embraced me and that feels good so life is the job front while not easy and consumes me, is going good. My personal life well that is always interesting, as our kids get older their needs and our ideas of what they should do with their lives always hits a wall. Our kids are independent thinkers which is healthy and welcomed by me. My hubby well lets just say the past few weeks have been really hard on him, and while I wish he would relax and try to go with the flow of changes in our kids lives he is kind of stubborn and I doubt that is in his gene makeup. He is convinced his life will be better if he lives in Puerto Rico dealing with the drama of his siblings and nieces and nephews. While I don't understand his thinking I have decided to just keep my mouth and feelings to myself, and see what happens in the next few months. This is not a question of him not loving me, it is a matter of him dealing with all the demons that have taken over his life since his mother died. I have embraced the fact that until he deals with these issues there will always be this notion in his head that life is better anywhere his kids are not. We have a saying "Ojos que no ven corazon que no siente" While I can translate the essence of this "if you don't see it with your eyes it will not hurt you", In Spanish the impact is stronger. I just wish I had some magic formula that would help everyone deal with whatever issues are near to their heart but I don't. So I just listen and try to mediate between all parties involved and hope that Jose realizes I am not taking sides I am just being a Mom. My kids would argue I always take his side I say I always remain in the middle trying for everyone to reach a compromise. Do I do this? I am not sure right now I know it is consuming my energy, so it is a big deal. Sometimes I wish people did not expect that I am going to be strong all the time. I want to be taken care off and not have to worry about everything. Oh well so is life. So I go on and do what I have to do and continue to think about all the possible solutions to the problems we face everyday. On the creating front I am creating but I am not sharing much a part of me just wants to see where this road is taking me. After almost two years of working with DDD7 designs the owner decided to stop production of her Spanish line and my tenure in the design team is done. This was hard since I spent so many months hoping this venture would take off. The need for the papers and designs is there. She is still producing her beautiful French paper line but could only carry one of the Spanish team to the French side and Maite got that honor and because I love Maite I wish her the best. Edith is very lucky to have her. I am looking forward to creating projects for Paper House and right now I am hoping that any manufacturer that needs and eclectic scraper that loves to create and is always willing to push the envelope of creativity and will add not only creativity but diversity to their team will contact me and let me create for them. I have decided that only if I sell myself will I receive the opportunities I want for myself. In my dream world I would love to Design for Maya Road and Deluxe Designs I love what they are doing with their chipboard lines and have been working with their products a lot. Fancy Pants chipboards are awesome too. I have this love affair with all Gin-X products so that is a company I would love to work for. I know there are others out there like American Crafts, Karen Fosters, EK, Anna Griffin, KandC, Making Memories, Die Cuts with a View. Right now for me it's all about creating, and chipboard is on my mind. There is something about chipboard the really makes me smile I love to paint it, Ink it, draw designs on them. It is flexible and allows me to create what I love. So like I said before if you are a Manufacturer and need an artist to interpret your product in a different way than the norm email me. My name is Wanda E. Santiago and I approve this message. On the Digital front Simple Scrapbook is about to launch it's New Magazine and Website and as part of their New Creative Editorial Board I am excited about this. I love that my work in the Digital Realm is valued. I love working in the Digital realm there is something so calming about being on the computer and creating, to be recognized for my work in this department is a dream come true for me. Seeing my name along artist that I admire and look up to is exciting. http://www.digitalscrapbooking.com/ The next year in the digital realm is going to be something I am going to look forward too. I know this is going to be big, I am happy I get to be a part of this. So keep checking out the site sign up for updates subscribe to the new magazine it is going to be BIG. My health is fragile right now that is all I will say about this, I am taking care of myself and doing everything the Dr's are telling me to do. My hope is that this too will pass and that by December I will have answers and solutions to the things that are making my life harder these days. I refuse to feel sorry for myself and please be assured if you read my blog that some of the issues I am dealing with are life and death things. The good news is that I am taking steps to change what is going on, the process is slow and painful but I want to be around for a long time so I will continue to do what the Dr's tell me to do. Here are some of the pages I have worked on in the past few weeks some of them are over two years old and I am finally sharing them, I am glad I can create and I do love to share, I am just being selective of how I share. They represent the range of the work I do when I look at them they make me smile and happy which is the best thing about creating. I hope you enjoy this journey with me. Creating is the one process that I will never get tired of. I always want to create in one way or another. The idea that something is being made by my hands always makes my adrenaline pump. It is a very good thing. Hugs and leave some love if you come by so I know you have been around. I also want to shout out to HP who makes the best printers in the world seriously and they can hook me up with a laptop anytime so I can do my digital work anywhere I go hey a girl can dream right, My Digital work is going to be a major focus for me this year and I need mobility as part of my computer needs. I can't afford one right now but I can dream and I can also test drive any model they might be designing for the computer scrappers out there. It is my blog and I will cry if I want too or anything else I want to do!! Keep th epeace and remeber to exercise your right to VOTE!!

Survivors

Some stories need to be told and some just need to remain silent. I am debating about posting my work in any board as of today. It's something I have been thinking about a lot. If you have some insight or feedback let me know. I just made this page and I really love it but I guess I may be the only one. The journaling is really what is important I have to write these things down because if I die I want these things around. I had my appointment today with the Orthopedic surgeon my prognosis is not good but there is not much I can do about that. Tomorrow is the one with my family Dr and then I will have some answers. I am doing everything I am told to do. I am still tired all the time and that can drain anyone. The journaling on the layouts goes like this I think people always wonder what keeps us together after all these years. We have been together since I was 12 and you were seventeen which is a lifetime. We have five kids, one grandson. What people fail to see is the life we have built together the work we have put in keeping us being us. We have our ups and downs especially when it comes to the kids they are all adults now and it's hard for you to just let go. Easy for me to say I think in some ways I am the same. People ask us what is the secret to being together for so long. I always say you have to have a sense of humor when a person does something or says something you now is stupid. I mean if we only dwell on the negatives how can we find the good. We are not perfect by any means but what we are is loving to one another and we try to not let the little things get to us. I think it is easier for me than for you. I know there are times I make you angry and there are times you make me angry but there are also the times when you make me very happy. I think the thing I love the most about you is that you do love me for me. That you are always proud of the things I have accomplished and that even when I think you don'’t notice you do. The conversation between you and Nicole when you went to Puerto Rico "Nicole you have to take a picture of this fish I am eating your mom will love to scrap this", Now tell me what is not to love about that. So you see we have been through so much together sometimes it's hard to just be you and me it is always us. We are survivors in more ways than we can count. The thing that has survived the longest is our love for each other. Wanda and Jose in El Yunque, Puerto Rico 2005

A story sometimes needs to be told.

I have wanted to record this story so my kids will have a legacy of all that makes our life. I want to honor this man I love so much not only with words but celebrating him. He is such a wonderful person and sometimes that gets lost in traslation. The story you are about to read is true and at the time it was a changing force in our lives. I have always loved Jose but after this day I not only loved him I learned that love can conquer all. Twenty three years ago our lives changed forever and to this day I have not been able to sit down to write what happened that day. The experience while it made us stronger almost took you away from me and it is hard for me to think about this and be calm about it. I was pregnant with Giovanni on April 3, 1983 we had just found out and while you were happy about this, Nyome was only six months old and you were concerned about me not being strong enough. I think we now laugh at that but at the time it was a real concern. The day started as any Sunday in our house bottles breakfast and the usual running around. You had some coffee but you were not hungry enough to eat so you left to go visit your Mom. She lived up the street so if I needed you all I had to do was send Joey to get you. I remember the sound that ripped my heart in two and lives in my memory forever. I was sitting down giving Nyome her lunch and as usual she was not to happy about it. All of the sudden I hear the sound of bullets being fired. I remembered you told me never go out when you hear that noise, but something told me I had too and I told Joey to stay with the baby and I ran out in my house dress and sandals to see what was going on. I can’t really explain with words the impact of what I saw and how it changed my life forever. I lost my innocence in that one moment when I saw you trying to stand up your shirt full of blood and people yelling you had been shot by a drive by shooter. I ran to you as fast as I could and held you in my arms and started yelling for someone to bring a car so we could take you to the Hospital. I remember that trip so vividly you were lying down in the back seat trying to calm me down I could see the blood in your face in your stomach and in your legs. I was not sure how many times you had been shot but you kept telling me to be calm that everything was going to be ok. I tried I really tried, you asked me to make sure they did not take your boots because they were your only pair of boots. I promised I would make sure no one stole your boots. These are the things I remember the doctors taking you in the emergency room and starting to cut off your clothes and take off your boots. They ran with you to the x-ray room and I was not allowed there because of my pregnancy. I stood at the door and watched while you were bleeding out your kidney and they debated if the bullet that had hit your face was in your brain because they could not find an exit wound. I could see you had a tube going out that was filling with your blood but you never lost your consciousness. A surgeon came in and started looking at your face and saw a small little hole right next to your nose and said this is the exit wound let get this guy to surgery. I remember as they wheeled you out of there you grabbed my arm and asked me for Joey and I said he is home with my Mom don’t worry. You said I love you and I just wanted to cry but I remembered I needed to be strong then you said where are my boots and I ran to see the orderly and asked for your boots. The guy said you were going to die anyway what was the point. I said he asked for them I guess he needs them. I got the boots and ran to the surgery floor and the longest hours of my life were about to begin. You had suffer multiple gunshots to your leg, your back, and your face. The bullet that entered through your back traveled all around before it exited out of you body. You lost your left kidney and you had five perforations in your stomach, duodenum, and colon transversal. The surgeons came out when they could not save your kidney and told me right now it a 20/80 chance he will make it. I looked at him and said oh he will make it he needs his boots. Those boots that I held in my lap for more than 12 hours while they tried to repair your broken body. They came out again to tell me they could not do anything with the bullets in you leg because it would do more damage than good so the shattered bones would have to heal with the bullets inside of you. When the surgery was over you were put in intensive care and I could only see you for ten minutes everyday. You were connected to machines and you had a colostomy, you had a cast in you leg and your face was a little bruised. You were alive and that was all that mattered. I would go home and pray that you would make it through the night. One night you stopped breathing and they had no idea what was going on. You were gone for a minute or so and I was home on my knees praying for a miracle at that time. You came back and after that two days later you were allowed to be out of intensive care and in a regular room. We spent the next month and a half in the hospital you could not eat or drink for a long time. You had to get used to the colostomy and I slept on a chair next to you almost every night. I have no idea who took care of the kids I needed to be with you. All I could think about was he needs to get stronger we need to get out of here. I left one day to see the kids and get some clothes for you the doctors had been talking about letting you go home. I wanted to make sure I had your clothes, we had to move to my mothers house so I could take care of you since you could not work. We could not afford to live in the house we rented. The doctors where worried about my pregnancy but I was stubborn and would not leave. When I came back happy at the thought of bringing you home the surgeon was coming out of your room with this face that made my world stop. He said to me that there was a problem with your colostomy they thought your intestines were dying and you had necrosis inside. I just looked at him and said we need a second opinion. I don’t know where I got the courage to be so strong and advocate for you but I did. The baby inside of me was suffering enough I was not going to loose his father because someone was making a wrong diagnosis. They came into the room with a team and started talking like we were not there. I said hey we are both here and we are not stupid will you please talk to us. One of the surgeon was arguing that what happened was when they did the colostomy they had hurt a small blood vessel and the blood stopped flowing so you developed a piece of skin that had died but that everything else was fine. The others thought you had necrosis and you would not survive more than 36 hours. The surgeon then took the bag away from your colostomy took a bottle of distilled water and started cleaning you and the piece of dead skin fell of and the other surgeons just stood there and watched. Two days later we where sent home and our lives would change forever. Crutches, colostomy bags, adhesives and cleaning supplies became a normal part of our lives. Dr’s appointments, and late night massaging you knees and calf because the pain was so horrible and you could not bend your knee. I remember sitting on the floor and massaging you for hours. Until the knee started moving and bending some. I was getting big with child and we needed to find a place to live. I would go to the government offices and wait hours to see someone to talk about an apartment. In October finally when I though I would have the baby living at my mother’s house we got the apartment and moved. I remember those stairs that fourth floor apartment and no elevator and not being able to help during the move. Giovanni was born and three months later we went to my grandfathers church to present him to God and the congregation. I wanted to remember that day forever and I took these photos of you holding Giovanni and that look on his face that reminded us of all the suffering he had while he was inside me. He was your boy everywhere you went he wanted to be with you. I remember he refused to take bottles so you would take him and bring him back so I could feed him and then off you two went. I think that is when he started smiling, when you showered him with attention. I found these photos I taught I had lost when we moved to Wisconsin and I could remember so clearly why these photos where so important they show a boy with his father but they don’t tell the tale of how we almost lost you. I wanted that to be a part of the book of our lives. The good the bad and the ugly is what makes us what we are today. It is hard for people to understand why we had two more kids after that but you wanted eight my compromise was five. I look at our family and realize twenty three years ago if I had not listened to my heart you might not be here today and the photos that are part of this collage would never exist. I don’t want to dwell on what happened we have moved on but I want our kids to remember that everyday we have with you is a blessing that we should never take for granted. I have always loved you 33 years and counting and to me that day we became one. Everyday I thank God he let you stay with us. I don’t know what my life would be without you. You are not perfect but you are perfect for me and that is all that matters. As our kids get older the story might not be remembered but now it will live on. Not to dwell but to celebrate that you are not a victim you are a SURVIVOR. Events happened April 3,1983;the Journaling August 25, 2006. The layout is a collage of my kids our grandson and a 23 year old photo that means so much to me. I am glad I have a way to capture these memories. Thank you for reading and make sure you say hi if you come and visit!! Hugs Wanda