What is the POINT really!!

Ok here I am almost two months again without posting you would think I would of figured this out by now if I have a blog I am suppose to write and let people know what I am thinking. The problem is the last two months have been on what I call the dark side and while I have no problem sharing these things that make me human sometimes I just have to sit and think about what is the best course of action for me. I love to write and share my thoughts and looking back at where my mind was at any given time. The problem is that unless you really know me you don't always get the picture. I have been creating which is good I am working on a swap right now that I need to get in the mail by Monday, It's already late but this is the reason I don't do swaps because my life has a way of getting in the way of anything I plan ahead of time. The last two months have been about Dr's appointments and pain and more Dr's appointments and more pain. Depression that comes from the amount of pain I am in and because I realize that I am not in a good place I always consult with my Dr if I need to go back to taking my medication. Right now that is where I am. I have no cartilage or cushion on one of the joints in my left knee so I have bone on bone action going on in my left knee. The outlook is a knee replacement regardless of losing weight or not. So the road to my health and being able to walk is to loss weight because I need to be healthier for the prospect of this surgery. So that is one of the things I will be focusing on these next few months. I started doing some changes nothing big just making sure I ate three times a day and that I only ate if I was hungry and I have lost 25 pounds. Took me a month to loose that much but if anyone is obese they know this is just one step in the right direction, the next few months are about going to Dr's appointments, consults and support groups because I have a very important decision to make related to my health and my future. I will be writing more about this as the months go by and I learn more about what the future will hold for me. The thing about me is that I love me the person I am the spirit that lives in me and that is never going to change. I know my husband loves me regardless of what my weight is, or how I look. My worries have to do with my health which right now except for my knees and sleep apnea is pretty good. I want to continue this way so this is what this journey is about. I am scared but I have a very supportive family that loves me and wants the best for me. I will be talking in my next entries about morbid obesity and how this disease has taken over my life and what I want to do to help myself. In the designing front I think something big is going to happen next year and I am looking forward to this, I continue to do the things I love, defining my style not by trends but based on the things I love to do. I am focusing on the positive not on the negative. I have no time for drama my life is filled with that I don't want my designing to be that. I feel happy with what I create and that is the most important thing. I am happy, happy inside my soul and knowing that even though sometimes life can get dark I am able to come out of the fog stronger and with a new sense of where I want to go and who I want to be. Sometimes it takes courage to be able to let others see how vulnerable you really are but for me is a matter of principle I am not perfect I am human and my humanity shows in everything I do. Life is all about that and people that are not able to see that are losing to much of themselves in the process of denial that comes with that. I have this saying with me what you see is what you get but people sometimes only focus on the beauty of what is outside not in the things that are part of the soul which are the things that make us beautiful after all. Here are some of the pages I have created in the last months, I have more I just need to scan and post. Hugs Wanda