The life and story that refuses to be silent!

Hello people out there in blog world. I have been busy with me and have not had time to update my blog. I have so many things to say and share but somehow the words really are having a hard time coming I have no Idea why. I know I am overwhelmed with emotions right now and that in itself does not help. I had my surgery on December 12, 2006 and everything went well. my family was with me and my mother and brother made such an effort to be there at least two times a day and I really can not put into words how much that meant to me. Seeing my sister and my nephew Sam and my grandson Jimmy. The friends that went to see me the flowers the cards all those things together made for a very pleasant stay at the hospital. I left the Hospital on Friday of that week and the adventure of finding me begins. I don't think this road is one that can be taken unless you have the support of your family. Case in point I needed to walk on the treadmill so I can start getting my body used to moving and so my skin does not go all crazy on me as I loss weight. So the treadmill now has a place of honor in the entrance of our house so I can walk when I want to and for however I want too. Now if you know my hubby you know this is love and support the man is kind of set in his ways and a treadmill does not belong in the Living room. My days as I get stronger consist of walking, eating resting, walking, reading resting. Who knew learning to take care of yourself is a 24 hour job. I need to remember to take my vitamins these are things I need to do the rest of my life. I am on antibiotics my incision has a small opening that has not healed and it is about an Inch long kind of scary but I see the Dr on Friday and I will take it from there. I am up to 30 minutes three to four times a day on the treadmill but hubby thinks I pulled a muscle on my chest and this is where this pain I have on my left side is coming from so I promised not to do the treadmill today to see if it got better. It is not better but it is not worse all I want to do is walk. I have to remember I need to keep my promises it is after all about my health. As for the weight loss it really depends on what the Dr says. I am retaining water on my panniculus adiposus is part of the subcutaneous tissue. It is a fatty layer deep to the skin. In certain animals, including humans, it is abundant and widely distributed, and contains fibrous bands connecting the overlying skin to deep fascia, as well as nerves, blood vessels and lymphatics to the skin. since surgery it is heavy and feels hot to the touch part of the reason I have to take antibiotics. I have no idea if this will get better what I do know is that sometimes it gets so heavy it hurts. This is something I was not counting on so it really makes me wonder what my real weight loss has been. I started the Day of surgery at 360 left the hospital at 369 went in to see the Surgeon and was at 361, then went in to see Dr Keil and there I was at 359, at home when I weigh myself I am at 352 so the weight is coming off and that is what matters. I am following all the Dr's orders eating all the things I have too and making sure I drink my water and take my protein. I don't crave food so at this point I eat because I know I have too. I measure and weigh everything I eat and I make sure the things I put in my mouth are allowed by the nutritionist. My feelings about this is if you are going to do such a life altering thing you make sure you take care of yourself. According to the Dr I don't go back to work until January 24, 2007 he wants to make sure I am strong and eating what I need to be healthy. Thoughts I am aware that this is a long term thing that it is in my hands to use this tool I have been given to do what is right for my body and my health. I have many reflections of the things that are going through my head right now. So this might be long but I think it is important that I write all these down because writing is good for the soul. 1.When I started this journey I was aware that it was going to be a life changing thing, that it was not a miracle cure to lose weight it was a tool. I worry that the tool might not work but I am not going to go there. 2. No one can embarks in a WLS adventure without a system of support, I am blessed to have a family that loves me and supports me 100% I don't take that for granted I give thanks to the powers above that my family is my rock when I can't be the rock. That I have a husband who loves me despite who I am and children who love me with the same intensity I love them. Proof of that is the bed I am sleeping on. My son Giovanni, my son John Michael and my mother got together to buy me my king size bed, I bought it from the same people that I bought my original bed, that bed set had 19 years already. The total came to 649.00 of which Gio put the the bulk of the money, it was our Christmas gift from him, that kid has a heart of gold and I love love the bed. I like my mattress firm and strong and this bed is made right here in Wisconsin by Wisconsin Bedding and they make awesome beds. It is just a Mattress and Box Springs and frame nothing fancy but to me it is gold. I like that it is made to order and that they knew how firm I like my mattresses. My office chair broke after seven years of abuse and my daughter Nicole went out and bought me the most beautiful comfortable chair because with the surgery I need to be comfortable if I am going to be using the computer. That when the kids are at home all my needs are being taken care off and when I say taken care off I mean that. The first week was hard on everyone and at one point Nicole said well my CNA training had to come in handy sometime that is the kind of week I am talking about. Especially when it seems I have developed some sort of lactose intolerance that gave me and them a lot of work enough said. 3. This year for me is going to be one of reflection and to some extent self centered that I am going to be taking care of me and focus on me. This in itself is against my nature so it is all part of the learning for me. 4. I am learning that while I love my job the fact that when the district makes the mistake of misinformation they have no Idea how they affect people's lives. I finally learned how much money is going to be cut from my check and when. In February my take home pay for the month will be around 575.00 dollars. The district is keeping 1695.00, since I am the primary wage earner in my house how is it that I am suppose to pay my bills. It is going to be interesting. I don't know how, I know I have to do it but this was not expected or planned for so I am sitting here trying not to panic. This is what happens when technology and common sense don't meet. The last two years the amount of sick days in our paychecks is wrong because of some technical issue and no one told us this was going on. So I can't do anything about it, I am not one to dwell but this one is hard. I have no rich relative to go to and ask for money we are a family that lives from month to month it is the nature of this economy especially when the middle class is a dying breed. I tell myself to take it easy make some scarves sell them remember you are a survivor. Somehow I will get through this one I hope. 5. That regardless of all the negatives the positives in my life will always outweigh the negative stuff and that is what life is all about. I believe in this with all my heart and it is my mantra. 6. Living life with a purpose is what we are put in this earth to do and I will continue to strive to do this with every breath I take. My stay in this planet is to short for it to be wasted in petty things. I will strive to make sure I keep on the path of positive living and thinking. 7. I will never underestimate the power of the friendships I have made through the Net and I hope that the people that care about me as I care for them remember that. 8. Looking forward to being creative and letting the world see all the different aspects of my creativity and how these make me the artist I am today. My focus in the creative front have been at a stall but soon I hope to be creating full speed ahead. I have things I have to scan so I can share and I need to decide if I want to enter HOF. I have most of my entry done I just need to commit to getting it finished. 9. Not being ashamed to ask for help when I need it and knowing that some things are really out of my control. So if you feel the need to help this sister out let me know, I wont say no. Finally here are some images of me and what my life has been like the last few weeks. Some of the photos are kind of gross but the journey is not pretty it is what is .