My beautiful Grandaughter

The most precious gift I have received is being a grandmother, they bring me so much joy . Life is a combination of the things you want and the things you need life has a way of putting everything in perspective. I am blessed to have the people in my life that love me. That put up with my frail health and that don't judge when I have a hard time even moving. It's hard to put all that in perspective, I know the blessing that comes from all that love. Right now I have loss all my finger nails they keep falling off and growing with holes in the bed of the nail. I have a fungi that is killing my nails and it hurts like you wont believe. I have to take time outs from using my fingers so the fact that I finished Zoe's Dress is a little miracle. I know one thing for sure I have learned to live with pain and while I have days that are horrible, I am learning that I can keep going just slower and steady, and making sure I take care of myself.

Little Blessings and Miracles !

I was there the day she was born and being a witness to such a miracle, always makes me realize that there is a reason why things happen and the lessons involved when miracles happen or tragedy touches your life. To say that I feel very strongly about this is not an exaggeration. The last three years have been filled with lots of tragedy, lost, despair and miracles. I can't say the negative have all gone away it's a day to day thing. When Zoe was born I felt my creativity make a comeback and I made her, socks all kind of blankets, dresses and hats. I was finding my groove and I felt I was getting stronger then the home invasion happened and I am in a kind of emotional Limbo. Some days I feel that I am just a burden to my my family, I didn't say these thoughts are rational. You mixed in the pain of the Fibromialgia, the pain in the knees then add the assault to that and I have these moments where I can't stand to be in my own skin.

I am working with my therapist on this, she was explaining that PTSD is like that and I have to write how I feel and I have neglected my blog for so long. I decided to try and see if I can start documenting some of these moments. I want to look at them as miracles and blessings from the goddess. I want to make sure that within this emotional vacuum I sometimes submerge my soul in I can look at any morsel of wisdom learned. What to do with that knowledge besides sharing and seeing how it can help someone is a question I am pondering everyday. I know in my heart things happen for a reason, some things defy explanation but how can I not continue to explore and question what drives people to hurt others. Why would you hurt someone you don't know and why does it seem that even though a crime was committed against me people expect me to just get over it, and the police make me feel like I am the criminal. It Is a good thing I have these little blessings and miracles in my life, otherwise what would be the point of living. Much love Wanda