Thoughts on Art and other Stuff!!

My beautiful Grandaughter

2011-12-06T21:32:00.001-06:00

The most precious gift I have received is being a grandmother, they bring me so much joy . Life is a combination of the things you want and the things you need life has a way of putting everything in perspective. I am blessed to have the people in my life that love me. That put up with my frail health and that don't judge when I have a hard time even moving. It's hard to put all that in perspective, I know the blessing that comes from all that love. Right now I have loss all my finger nails they keep falling off and growing with holes in the bed of the nail. I have a fungi that is killing my nails and it hurts like you wont believe. I have to take time outs from using my fingers so the fact that I finished Zoe's Dress is a little miracle. I know one thing for sure I have learned to live with pain and while I have days that are horrible, I am learning that I can keep going just slower and steady, and making sure I take care of myself.

Little Blessings and Miracles !

2011-08-14T06:31:00.002-05:00

I was there the day she was born and being a witness to such a miracle, always makes me realize that there is a reason why things happen and the lessons involved when miracles happen or tragedy touches your life. To say that I feel very strongly about this is not an exaggeration. The last three years have been filled with lots of tragedy, lost, despair and miracles. I can't say the negative have all gone away it's a day to day thing. When Zoe was born I felt my creativity make a comeback and I made her, socks all kind of blankets, dresses and hats. I was finding my groove and I felt I was getting stronger then the home invasion happened and I am in a kind of emotional Limbo. Some days I feel that I am just a burden to my my family, I didn't say these thoughts are rational. You mixed in the pain of the Fibromialgia, the pain in the knees then add the assault to that and I have these moments where I can't stand to be in my own skin.

I am working with my therapist on this, she was explaining that PTSD is like that and I have to write how I feel and I have neglected my blog for so long. I decided to try and see if I can start documenting some of these moments. I want to look at them as miracles and blessings from the goddess. I want to make sure that within this emotional vacuum I sometimes submerge my soul in I can look at any morsel of wisdom learned. What to do with that knowledge besides sharing and seeing how it can help someone is a question I am pondering everyday. I know in my heart things happen for a reason, some things defy explanation but how can I not continue to explore and question what drives people to hurt others. Why would you hurt someone you don't know and why does it seem that even though a crime was committed against me people expect me to just get over it, and the police make me feel like I am the criminal. It Is a good thing I have these little blessings and miracles in my life, otherwise what would be the point of living. Much love Wanda

Her precious Zoe! Love those little feet!

2010-10-26T17:15:00.000-05:00

She is my princess

2010-10-26T17:11:00.000-05:00

She was so mad

2010-10-26T17:10:00.000-05:00

Grandma is having fun making bows of all kinds!

2010-10-26T17:09:00.000-05:00

Precious is my beautiful little girl. Her little Foot

2010-10-26T17:06:00.000-05:00

My Precious princess Zoe Evangeline Sapp-Collazo

2010-10-26T17:00:00.000-05:00

Abuela I can't help it that I am so cute! I love this little guy!

2010-10-26T16:59:00.000-05:00

My Sweet Zion Xavier

2010-10-26T16:57:00.000-05:00

Sleep Little Angel

2010-10-26T16:56:00.000-05:00

Zoe is precious

2010-10-26T16:55:00.000-05:00

They make me Smile!!

2010-10-08T18:35:00.001-05:00

Life has given me these three boys they are my reason for living. I don't think I would be om this Earth today if they were not in this planet. I thank the goddess that they are in my life and soul and that their energy is a part of my daily existence. I can't describe all the emotions that are in my heart today as I Include Zoe into this Circle of love. I am dealing with my illness the best I can because I that is all I can do, in life there are garantees except for being born or dying. I know I am stronger in my soul even if my body is weak, I hate feeling this way. I can't work or play, I can escape through my reading but somedays even that hurts. Hugs Wanda

Welcome the newest member of my family

2010-09-30T21:16:00.003-05:00

Here she is Zoe Evangeline Sapp-Collazo born September 29,2010 at 11:56 I can"t explain what it means to me to hold her in my arms and see her enter the world. Such a priviledge to be present when she entered the world. I saw my daughter at her best making sure her daughter entered the world even thought she came into the world in the face foward presentation. She still had a lot of swelling last night but this morning she was just perfect. Blue eyes right now she is precious.

A photo collage of the Bride

2010-08-11T21:29:00.000-05:00

I am going to be working on these photos for a while depending on my energy level and pain management. My OCD wants to kick in but the pain is to much right now. Hugs Wanda

Nyome's Wedding August 4, 2010

2010-08-11T19:56:00.001-05:00

Nyome's Wedding and some extras

Romance Books, Novels, Ebooks - Epublishing

2010-08-10T17:49:00.001-05:00

Romance Books, Novels, Ebooks - Epublishing I am on a reading kick these days as fibro has taken its toll and I learn to live and grieve the lost of all that I was the last fifteen years, I decided to find the thing that kept me sane when Jose was not with us for a while, when I was trying to make sure I did not forget my English when I lived in Puerto Rico and because I am a born New Yorker with Brooklyn always in my heart, English always has had a special place in my heart. I was raised in a house where Spanish was the Language spoken and went to church in a Spanish Speaking church, traveled between New York and Puerto Rico when I was of School age so I could become bilingual but when I turned Eleven the traveling stopped, my mom bought a house in the Island and the rest as they say is history. I never forgot that the only way to retain language is to speak it and write and read it. Speaking was harder because unless you had to others who spoke that was not going to happen, but reading , reading was my way to enter into another world and nothing got into the way of me and my books. I love to read and I love romance novel, and all genres that the term entails from sweet to kink. I can read Diana Palmer one Day and the next day Marilyn Lee gets my attention. I feel that when I read I can lose myself for a few hours and not think about all the darkness that has been a part of my life the past year. I haven't been ready to talk about it, the reality of waking up every morning with so much pain you really don't know if you are going to be able to function. I hate that my hands are constantly shaking and I have no control over that. It means that my hands are often weak and I can't create the jewelery I love to make, or make scarves or for that matter scrapbook because until I can get a grip of the amount of weakness and the levels of pain, I am reserving my energy to being in the moment and enjoying my family the best way I can. That means I get a lot of time with my I-phone and apps and lots of reading. I do love to read and because the phobe does not weight much I can carry it in my hand and it doesn't hurt much. Don't get me wrong I have a high pain tolerance but this is nothing I would wish on my worst enemy. Some days I just lock myself in the bathroom take a shower and cry. Then I am reminded that at least I am alive and that even in pain I have things that I need to work through and I pick myself up grab a book when I can't move around and read. That makes me happy, I have read over 600 books and counting since October when I went on Sick leave and lost my job all at the same time. I have been doing a lot of thinking since then, a lot of it has to do with the grieving of the lost of a job that meant the world to me, and the fact that I wont be able to be in the classroom anymore at least not anytime in the near future. One of the things I was battling right before I was put on medical leave by my Dr was panic attacks, that were trigger by memories of abuse that happened when I was younger and got reawakened when I was being harassed by a group of people that had no idea what they where doing. I don't think people understand all the complex issues that PTSS brings to a human being we always talk about it when it comes to soldiers and people that have been in war zones. The reality is that some children grow up in houses that can be considered war zones and are exposed to things that bring with them so much trauma that we have our own internal war. I think when I lost my 275 pounds I was left so fragile I was not able to recognize just how fragile I was, I know that in October I just lost it I was really panicky and in my own world not able to even move out of my bed some days. I was paralyzed by fear, and then I got the news I was being fired and my world went from bad to worst. Now the details of why I was fired make a long story short I was careless when it came to the credits I was taking to renew my license for teaching, it didn't help that for three of those five years I had been sick and recovering from three major surgeries and had no money to take credits outside what the district offered and I just took the wrong ones the ones I took from the University all 69 Graduate credits I had taken had expired because they don't let teacher bank graduate credits in this State. I look at all my credits and the years I have invested in my education and the technicality that got me fired. I did not have the energy or the health to fight this. I also had produce documents that were not accurate, the desperate act of a woman in desperation herself. when I look back I feel so sad and all I want to do is cry, but I know I have to move on. I realize the reason it hurts so much is because I really love my student, the adults in the building well some are always going to be in my heart, especially the Math department who gave me a home when my own department treated me like what I had to say did not matter. I have never belong to the old boys club, oh well. I have lived and I am learning. I will always have in my heart a place for the math department they know who they are and one of them will be hearing from m soon. If I find my card, hint hint. Anyways this is just a little part of the drama that has been going in my life in my life lately I finally can write about it and finish the sentences and it reads almost coherent even if it doesn't make sense others. I needed to write this down on my blog I know my students read my blog and I want them to know I am not coming back , but that they will always live in my heart and soul. I am just an Email away and you guys know my phone. As of today I go to therapy two times a month or more depending on where I am emotionally, being around large crowds still gets me panic filled and I have to keep my medicine at hand in case I loss it. I have no idea when this will go away I am working on it. I need closure in some things so I need to make sure I deal with my fears and panic so I can get it done. I have no source of income I cashed in my retirement money got hit with a huge penalty and we have been living with that paying the house and bills. I can't work not as a teacher or around people so what alternatives are there for me are a home business that I can manage but because I am in pain 75% of the day I am at this point at a lost of what I will do. Some days I can't hold the tweezers, my hair is cut really short because even brushing hurts so short hurt it is. I never thought I would have to reinvent myself again but it seems that is the road I am going to be taking soon, So I am some times feeling like an island abandoned in the ocean of life, instead of the river that flows towards the ocean to meet my ocean my beautiful Jose. He has been my rock my kids have loved me and worried about me but know that I am trying to be the best parent I can be regardless of the pain. I try not to complain much it really doesn't do much it just is. I am just me and I use to carry 475 pounds in this 5 foot body and that was painful, this pain is ten times worst, some days it feels like someone is stabbing a knife in my shoulders and arms and neck. Some times it just a constant pulse and pounding. Hey its my life who said it was boring I can't make this stuff up even if I tried. I wanted to update this part of the blog the personal Wanda has been absent and the reason, also talk about how books have kept me sane during this time, I am thinking of writing but that hurts to. Hey it doesn't mean I am not going to do it, it means it takes me longer to do anything, and I mean anything. I can't leave the house on a whim I start to panic everything has to be planned. It's hard living like this for me, I use to be a spur of the moment person. There is so much more to TALK about I promise keep this blog going one of the things I want to do is talk about how a book make me feel. Not a review, there are plenty of those around I want to talk about the feelings evoked by a book I have just read, it will be interesting because I know for a fact feelings are an important response when a person is writing any kind of romance/erotic writing. Hey it will keep me busy, the days I am not babysitting. Now the family Things are moving forward in our family as always Jose my oldest is always looking for answers he knows are already inside of him. I think because he was born I had no Idea what I was doing the level of trauma he has due to our mistakes in his upbringing are things that affect him. I have apologized talked it to death but still I think he doesn't believe me. I personally think he is a wonderful young man who has a great heart and is willing to help anyone who needs him. I think I am honored to have a son like him, I did have him when I was 13 and Jose was 18 so we kind of did not really know what we were doing. Nyome now just got married to Jordan, and they are about to give us our first granddaughter Zoe which is really exciting, see I have many reasons to live even when there are days when I wish for someone to take me out of my misery. Anyways after Ny lost Mitchell when Zion was six months old and for a while I wasn't sure if she was going to survive so much pain, she found a young man who had a daughter himself , and they have blended their families together. So now we have from Nyome Jimmy 10, Lexus 7 , Zion 2 years 10 months and then in September of October we will be joined by Zoe. My grand kid pool is five now when Zoe is born. The wedding was beautiful and personal and Nyome looked beautiful. They both looked very in love with each other, I wish that she has a life of love and caring with him. Gio as always working hard at whatever he is doing he does it well, I think some days he looks at me and gets frustrated and I feel I have disappointed him but I know he worries about my health and has a hard time seeing me in pain. Hope that he continues to have the heart of gold he has always had when it comes to his family. Nicole and George man what a blessing has it been for Nikki to find this guy in her life he makes her happy and that is a blessing. I love George he is so sweet and caring of her and she of him. They are good together. They officially adopted Whinny our cat is living with them and he is being loved and pampered by them. They went to Puerto Rico so Nicole could meet his family for her Birthday this year. Last week the were at a Renaissance Fair She and George made the costumes they where awesome. Waiting to see what the future brings for those two. Then last but not least it's John Michael Stephanie and Jose Miguel this little family is so precious to me, my youngest son is a wonderful father I look at him with little Jose and he is just like his Dad there is something that just hits my heart every time I see him with Jose makes me so happy to know that as parents we have set a good example for our kids of how to parent and love. I babysit Joselito once a week and he is so adorable he absolutely adores me. There is no love like the love of a child it is unconditional and pure. My Mom as always beautiful and strong she officiated Nyome's wedding it was beautiful I was so proud of her she is 70 and going on strong. I love it to watch her be so strong I hope that I can be like her if I reach that age. Ok now to share some photos so you can enjoy with me the beautiful memories that I have recorded during this year of absence, send good thoughts my way don't feel sorry for me that defeats the work that I am trying so hard to do. I have a long way to go and my road to recovery is not going to be easy but what I need from the people that care about me is to know that I am loved and that they don't stand in judgment of me or my life. I send the my love out there to the people who are constantly looking for an update from me. Hugs and peace always

I love watching the tour

2009-07-22T11:49:00.001-05:00

This is my facination with one race, every year I watch and learn. My goal is to be able to ride a bike in the next few months. Go Lance, Wanda

Prom Ready and many other thoughts.

2009-06-05T21:35:00.001-05:00

Blogging has to become again a way I live my life, it gave me perspective and a reason to reflect in a very open space. Our lives have been hit by tragedy and sometimes we failed to See the blessing right in front of us. Love is really the common denominator that connects us all and should be the focus of my energy. I love that I can reflect on my life and embrace the things I can't change, and celebrate the ones that make me happy. This photo of me and my student teacher Cristina as we were headed to prom to Chaperon the dance. It was so much fun and when I am in the reflective mode I realize I have to celebrate the only life I have. There is no point in complaining about the things we cant control. I want to live life as if each day brings a new beginning and within this philosophy I will always embrace all my imperfections. I will love all the moments good or bad because it means I am alive and that is always a good thing.

More layouts that make m smile!

2009-05-12T00:43:00.000-05:00

I have so many layouts that I want to share I promise to update more often this year I am loving a lot of DCWV papers and embelishments, also Basic Grey is getting lots of love in my books. Debbie Mumm designs are also working their way through my books. I am still working at upgrading my camera I want A Digital Rebel 50d, will see if it happens send good thoughts my way. Hugs Wanda

Layouts that make me smile

2009-05-11T23:59:00.000-05:00

When life give you Lemons make lemonade REALLY who came up with that.

2009-05-11T12:06:00.005-05:00

This is the story of a life that does not always go as planned but that is lived to the max. While my life may not seem normal to others it is the only life I know and I don't think I can live it in any other way. I try not to look at the dark side of life. I always try to see more than one side of an issue. I continue to try to live my life by these very simple rules. Try to change the things that are under your control, remember to always love people even if you disagree with what they do. Remember never ask of anyone something you are not willing to do, it makes for honesty in a relationship that some people don't always realize is important. Don't talk about others it brings negative energy into your life that you don't need. Live with passion and fight for what you believe but always allow room to agree to disagree with people that you love or respect.

While these rules are more common sense than rules, they are the principles that guide my life. My life has not been a gift that I take for granted one of the things that motivates my thinking is the responsability that come living a life that means something. I want my life to count in this planet we call earth. So I sit down and think thes thoughts and every once in a while I do an inventory of the things I am doing that are not in line with thes rules. I will be writing about that soon. For now lets just say that this week I am doing a lot of soul searching and most of it will have to do with my job. Send positive energy my way so I can make the right decision and that what I do will be a blessing not only for me but for those I teach. I am going to be sharing some of my recent layouts in my blog enjoy them they come from the deep love I have for my family. Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers that read my blog. Love hugs and Peace for all Wanda

Photos always make me smile

2009-04-26T20:32:00.000-05:00

I took these photos on Easter Saturday so many thoughts go through my mind but the main one is connections.Love is all that matters. Hugs Wanda

Easter family life and ispiration

2009-04-12T20:22:00.002-05:00

So here I am trying to update my blog and trying to update my life. That is not an easy task. Life as always keeps throwing curve balls my way and I keep batting them the best I can. On March 30 I turned 48 and it was one of the best birthday's I have celebrated. I love my birthday so i used all the month to do a count down at school and the kids celebrated with me. I was a very happy woman that day. I enjoyed the sharing with my my kids and grand kids. I have three grand kids, Jimmy 9, Zion 19 months and little Jose Miguel almost 3 months old. this keeps me busy with all the scrapbooking I have to create. My photography as always keeps me busy with my family. I am wanting and salivating over a Cannon D50 I really need a new Camera but can't afford it unless my jewelery starts selling at a quicker pace my error has been not keeping an updated blog.

I am running two clubs at school scrapbooking/photography meets two days after school till six and on Saturdays from 10 to six, this keeps me busy. I also run debate theater on Tuesdays, which keeps me going going. Life is never boring for me. I have been creating lots hopefully I will share more later.

2009-04-12T17:33:00.001-05:00

Easter Celebration

2009-04-12T17:28:00.001-05:00

A little bit of this and a little bit of that!

2008-11-15T22:31:00.001-06:00

2008-09-30T00:29:00.001-05:00

My life is always a roller Coaster but love keeps me grounded!

2008-09-30T00:07:00.001-05:00

Today I come to my blog with the full knowledge that I have neglected one of the things that kept me sane. I needed to find a focus for my spirit and writing has always been the place to go when I was not feeling safe. Then tragedy hits my family and the thing that kept me sane became the thing I feared the most. To sit down and write down my thoughts and strip my soul, became an unbearable proposition. I would sit on my computer and was paralyzed and not able to connect to all those people that have been my cyber friends for so many years, that saw me develop as an artist and that knew some of the struggles of my family. Now here I am feeling more at peace and being able to sit down a write and let the free flow of words be my salvation and my connection to humanity. I think that even if the fear of being out there and just saying what you feel, I can connect with just one person then my vulnerability becomes a strength. Life as always in our family is not boring and is always full of many things. Zion just turned a year old on September 10, and here is his one year Photos, I have hundreds more but these where the one that I wanted to post today. The talk to me and tell me that even though his life has been touched by tragedy the love that we all have for him has made him flourish and become this amazing human being that always makes me smile. Jimmy started Third grade this year and although his Autism some days makes school such a hard place for him, he manages to make lemonades out the lemons he has been dealt. I am constantly in awe of all the things I learn being around him. I think that what he brings into our life is this new way to look at the world imperfections become perfection, because after all who is really perfect, and who is to say that the way he perceives the world is really that strange. I love watching Jimmy with Zion, the way he has taken to being a big brother and how protective he is of Zion and how much he loves him. I watch Zion follow him around and wanting to be like his big brother and I am filled with this immense love that burst inside of me because after all that is what family is all about loving each other with no conditions put on that love. There are really no words in the world that can truly explain how I feel so sometimes it is easier to let the camera capture how I see the people I love and what they bring to me. It is through the camera that I can capture what I call the essence of my love for them. Hope that life is good to all of you and I promise to write more often and show you more of what I have been up to. To all my friends thank you for not giving up on me, as friends go you guys are golden, I don't think I can say the same for myself, I love you all and missed you. Hugs today and always Wanda

I am alive and well just silent at the moment.

2008-06-12T09:18:00.001-05:00

I want to start this post by apologizing to all the people who read this blog and have not heard from me in a while. While I have legitimate reasons for my silence I know my family reads this blog and I have done a pretty bad job on keeping everyone updated. I am going to try and do a better job in the coming few months. I also will be putting up some of my latest designs of my custom jewelery so keep your eyes open for that one. I only make one design of any piece I make which gives you and exclusive look any time you wear it. Now on to the good stuff What has happened to me and my family the last few months. On February 23, 2008 my daughter's partner and father of her now ten month old baby died. He died at the age of 25 and left a void in my daughter's life that we as a family are trying to make sure we try to fill, the truth is that we can only be there to support and love her and her kids but the journey towards her healing and journey of grieving she needs to do herself. This has been a really hard time for our family economically, emotionally and spiritually. I believe that the only reason I have been able to move forward is because of the great system of support that is my family and the love they give me everyday to continue the work I have to do. My friends from near and far that have sent a word of love and support and that have helped me in so many ways that they really have no idea of the extent of my gratitude. They have been there to listen and care and money can't really pay for this. I feel that at times I was an entity being pulled in so many directions that the one thing I had to give up was my internet community, and it really felt lonely but because I started working full time in January it was harder than I thought. As a teacher I commit myself to doing my best for the kids I teach, sometimes that meant coming home baby sitting Zion and then calling parents to make sure their kids were doing what they had to do, or just calling parents to tell them what a wonderful job their kid was doing. The extra time I had has been devoted to creating scrapbooks for my family, a memorial album for Mitchell and my jewelery which is such an awesome outlet for my creativity. I stopped submiting to magazines because I wanted to make sure I was there for Nyome, Jimmy and Zion. I know that we still have a long road ahead of us and that it is not going to be easy to just mourn and forget but I want to honor Mitchell the best way I can and to me that is being there for Zion and Nyome who he adored and making sure that Zion has visual memories of his father that I captured over the six years he and Nyome where together. I know the void he has left in all our hearts is not something that will go away but he is one that always said life has to be lived and with that in mind I want to honor him by making sure people don't forget how much he loved life. His death was an accident caused by poor decision making on his part, but the life he lived has intense and all who knew him loved him, becuase all he wanted from life was to be loved. He would always asked me why is it that you always love your kids unconditionally and my answer was I know all their shortcommings but they are my children the gift that life gave me and to me loving then comes naturally and I will never put conditions on that love. He would say that is the way I love Nyome and Zion. Now he is gone and it worries me that I might not be able to convey to my daughter how important it is for her to honor him by living her life to the fullest it is hard to see anything when you are in so much pain. I am glad she has Zion and Jimmy to keep her centered.

I want to use this entry to tell my brother Jeff and his Wife mocica how much their love and support for me has meant to me. No words can really explain how even through the distance your love touches me. I will never take that love for granted.

I will be sharing photos in the coming days hopefully you will tune back. Remeber life is not always what we want it is a gift that we are given to live and learn and sometimes we don't always understand why things haappen but they do.

Reflections in my mind and in my soul!

2007-12-03T21:21:00.000-06:00

They say a picture is worth a thousand words so I look at these photos and I am overwhelmed by the emotions I feels when I look at them. Zion keeps growing and delighting us and Jimmy is a wonderful big brother. Nyome loves being a mom a it shows. Life has not been easy for her but she keeps focused on her kids and that in the end is really what matters. When you bring children into the world they come with no instructions, so it is up to us to make sure we protect love them and guide them, so they can become all they want to be. I reflect on this because as my kids get older and they are having children of their own and I see that my teachings have not been in vain. So life while not easy or simple is moving forward. Today I want to talk about my feelings after almost a year of having gastric bypass surgery. I want to make sure that people understand that these are just my thoughts and a way for me to heal and make sure that if anyone is going through the same kinds of things they know they are not alone. I feel as this journey continues that sometimes I am alone but that is just part of the process. When I was 429 pounds a year ago and looking at a double knee replacement, I had done a lot of research about this surgery. For three years me and my DR had talked about the possibility of doing this because all the traditional methods I had tried for years were not working. I had changed my whole lifestyle and eating habits of all my family and everyone was healthier and I was not, I kept gaining weight. SO as my work with Dr. Keil moved on and I read more and more about the surgery I decided this was something I needed to consider and I did. I started seeing the team at Dean Clinic and the rest is history with all the documentation on my medical file and almost six months of a supervised diet my surgery was approved and the road to change was about to begin. On Dec 12, 2006 Dr Sunby operated on me and this new me started to emerge. The healing of my scar was pretty good. I only had one hot spot and that healed after a month of so. AS the weight came off my body began to shift and change, my abdomen became bigger than the rest of my body and in May I had a panniculectomy and that brought many other changes so very positive and some kind of hard to deal with. In October of this year I had to have a Hernia repair and mesh reconstruction of my abdomen. That healed pretty good and I finally feel like I am gaining my strength a little by little life is getting back to normal. Did I know when I started this journey that all this was going to happen? Would I still have done it if I had known? The answer to all those questions is yes, because when I had this surgery I was doing it for me and so that I could run around after my grand kids and be there for them as they got older. People have asked me if I have regrets and do I miss food? My answer to them is not really I don't miss food because I can eat almost anything I just eat small quantities of food. I have to be aware what I put in my mouth because some foods can make me sick but that is about it. The regrets if any have to do with the lost of self and no knowing what my space in the world is anymore and those things are not concrete enough for people to understand. I finally feel like I can talk about this because though working with my Dr and my therapist I am learning that healing is a process that needs to be embraced so it can be an effective tool not only for you but for those affected by you. I know that I don't exist in a vacuum and my family and people that I love are there and I need to be there in the moment with them regardless of what might be going inside my head. So everyday I realize that even though I may be struggling with my inner thoughts and feelings I keep going on because I know that there has to be an answer inside of me to the conflicts that are deep inside of me. The struggle I have has to do with the space I occupy in the world, as a big person my persona seemed to be larger than life and powerful, for a long time I was not feeling that way. I was feeling lost and mourning the lost of me. I have lost over 200 pounds and that is a full sized woman in itself, and in losing her I almost lost me. I looked at myself in the mirror and I could not recognize me, I would put on clothes and be lost in them and then I started loosing my hair and life as I knew it really changed. All my life the one thing that had defined me was my beautiful curly hair and as it kept falling so did all the layers I was using to hide. I realize know that part of the reason I have felt so lost is because being a big woman protected me from dealing with the issues of abuse and lost I had as young kid. As the fat came off the insecurities came out and the me I had so hard to work to create became the seven year old who did not know how to protect herself from the predators that where around her. I have never felt so vulnerable in my life, there was almost a fragile quality to this new me that was emerging and I was really sure I did not want to be a fragile woman. All my life I had worked so hard to be the person I was and all that was lost and I had to find it in order to get better, not only physically but emotionally. This process is continuous I find myself always making sure that I analyze the reasons why I do the things I do. I try to not take for granted what I have and I try to share with other my experiences to see if they can help anyone. There is still a part of me that feels I have betrayed all the beautiful big people out there that embrace who they are everyday. The people I fight so hard to make sure they are not discriminated against. Fat jokes and making fun of big people are such a staple of our society and I know the cruelty that comes from that. Being fat has given me a different perspective on the way the world deals with discrimination. some one said to me once you have a double whammy you are fat and a Latina woman. I told that person well I have double the love to give, but as I lost the fat the insecurities and pain where so strong I knew I needed help. I am feeling better and I embraced my baldness and the lost of all those layers of fat and I am learning that each day is an adventure that I have to embrace. I know I still have more work to do but as long as I realize this the battle is half won. I have more to share about this so keep reading my blog to find out what I am doing. I have included images of me through out this journey so you can see some of the changes. Remember to embrace the you that is inside and that faults and all you are a beautiful person. That my friends is a lesson I will never forget. Much love and hugs Wanda

What to say what to say!! My life is in constant motion!

2007-11-23T20:58:00.000-06:00

My life as always is a series of movements that all combined are the essence of what makes me the person I am today but for whatever reason also makes me think of things way to much and I decided I needed a rest from Cyber space so I could figure out what was really getting to me. It is not easy going through changes in our own personal world. When those changes involve not only you but all the things you always strive for. Combine that with a family that is also in constant change and fluctuation and you get me. While it is not an excuse for being absent so long it is more of an explanation as to why I stopped blogging and writing even though both things are important in my life and make me happy. What I know is that since June my life has taken many roads, some of which I can share with everyone and some of which can't be really shared because they involved people in my family that need to be protected and I do like to respect the wishes of those I love. I will start by sharing that I have a new grandson his name is Zion Xavier and he was born on September 10, 2007 at four o'clock in the morning. I was his mother's doula and what an honor to be a part of my daughter and my grandson's life in this way. My daughter Nicole and I where there to assist her and the photos we took tell the story of a little boy brought into this world with love and a family that will always be there to protect him. He is getting bigger and bigger as the weeks turn into months. His Mom and him have bonded and big brother Jimmy loves being a big brother. I love that I can see the development of this precious child and document him. I think that is a blessing I will never take for granted. Thanksgiving was wonderful except My older son was working and could not make it but otherwise my kids were there. Jimmy was with his Dad and this place our home is not the same unless he is around. I had my third surgery on October 11, 2007 Hernia repair with mesh. It has taken a while for my body to get back into the swing of things but now it looks like it might. The Dr says I may go back to work on January 22, 2008 so I am looking forward to that I miss my students and the energy they bring to my life. I think in the mist of all the changes it is important that I revisit the day my life changed forever. On Dec 12, 2006 I underwent gastric bypass surgery on of the photos is the collage is of me the day of my surgery. I was out an about walking right after surgery, I knew that that was the most important thing the Dr. had focused on when we talked about my recuperation. At my highest weight I was 430 pounds plus. The day I was going to see Dr Keil I was 409 pounds and when I had the surgery I was 369 pounds. Today I am 204 pounds and I feel like a totally different woman. The changes have not been easy. I still find it hard to find my space in the world, being a large person for so long offered the spectrum of invisibility and criticism that made me a very strong person. I developed a lot of what I did as a person surrounded by this larger than life beautiful woman and here I am devoid of all of this and I find myself loss. Why do I talk about this because when people are thinking of bypass surgery this is one of those subject that is never really talked about. People talk about missing food. I don't miss food I eat what I need to but really don't focus on food because for me that is not important. I have developed healthier eating habits that have been embraced by my family and that makes me feel that my grandsons will have the perfect balance in their lives when it comes to food. Jimmy would much rather eat a clementine than eat candy. I love watching him use his motor skills to peel an Orange for a kid with sensory autism issues that is a big deal. My biggest issue when it comes to the weight loss is finding myself and embracing the new person that is emerging from the layers of fat that have protected me all these years. As a victim of Abuse it was very easy for me to hide behind this fat and be invisible to others and be accepted by others on my terms. Now as the fat goes away the person that is emerging is dealing with so many emotional changes I felt it was necessary for me to take a break and try to find me. The truth is that I have not found me yet but what I do know is that unless I embrace the person I am today and all the implies I can't love me. I loved this big woman that always had something to say and now I find myself thinking twice what I have to say, part of it is because now people listen more our society is that way, but part of it is that I feel I have lost my voice and that the world is not ready for anything I have to say. These thoughts are not the reality of who I am so I struggle with this person that looks at me in the mirror everyday. I look and I have a hard finding me, I know I am there but it does not look like me and it does not feel like me and right now the truth is not easy for people to understand, so I smile and I embrace the changes because I know I am a beautiful woman inside that has for so many years given of herself to her family. I know that I travel this road I will find me and in this finding I will rejoice life is all about fluctuations and change and I always have embraced changes. I think one of the reasons the changes have hit me so hard is because they have been so fast, in a year in lest than a year I lost more than 200 pounds, I have had three surgeries and I am on disability from work, my routine is different than when I was working. I focus on myself and my body I walk, do exercises and make sure I create. I thank my lucky stars everyday for the Scrapbook superstore and the wonderful owner who allows me to be me and has embraced my creativity. The only reason I am still sane has to do with them. I want to talk more about the lost of self in another entry not because I am still lost but because I am sure that there are people out there dealing with the same thing and I hope I can help. The list of first I have been able to do in the few months keeps growing so I need to document all that and also that I have lost over 80 inches all over my body. So although my life as always is not a calm oasis I would not change a thing because it is my life and everyday is an opportunity for growth and to learn. I realize that if I don't grow within the changes that are happening to me I will not become centered and life for me is all about that. I want to make sure Sylvie my best friend in cyber world knows I love her and I am always here for her, and the ladies at scrapbooking PR know I always think of all of you and you are always in my heart. My hermanita Eva te quiero mucho, Jeffrey I love ya! Mami and Papo thank you for all you do to me and Damaris I will never forget the words we shared after my surgery. To all you reading this is the blog world remember life is what you decide to make of it, embracing the you that is here today will help you become a better person tomorrow, remember a smile is free and when you give one you can make somebody's day. Peace out Hugs Wanda I

I am thinking sometimes that can be dangerous!

2007-06-03T00:18:00.001-05:00

I am thinking sometimes that is a good thing sometimes it is not so I will leave it up to the people who read my blog to decide. This has been a hard week for me, my incision is leaking fluid and the Dr says she will have to reopen part of it if it continues. I don't want to have to deal with that so I am trying to will my body to heal easier said than done. I am not doing much my hubby took three weeks off work so he could take care of me and the house and I really have been focused on me and that is a good thing. He goes back to work on Monday and is worried but I promised to take it easy and I am pretty good at keeping my life simple. I have worked really hard to be where I am now I am not putting my health at risk. My concerns are of other nature and right now I really have to keep thinking about solutions to my very serious economic situation. I am on disability from my job and as of June 15 my contract with the school District is done and I am out of any kind of Income. Usually that is not a problem I divide my checks in twelve months but with the disability checks you can't do that. I am not going to be working summer school this year because of my health issues my Dr has not released me to work yet and I need to get better to be able to work. My energy levels are still low compared to how I felt a month ago this surgery does take a lot of energy from you. Add to that my labs still coming up with my anemia so who knows what my Dr will say when I go in to see him. I know I have to think my health is first but when you have a family and bills to pay you really have to think about that too. I want to start making jewelery and start selling that. I still have scarves that I want to sell. I know with summer here people don't like to think of winter or winter things. I have to find a solution to my dilemma and I need wisdom in making the right choices. Life is not always easy but since my motto is always keeping it real, I will try my best to make sure I live by what I preach. I was thinking there is a solution and I just need to find it, keep me in your thoughts and prayers because this is one of those things that really only I can solve. I don't have a rich uncle somewhere so I need to be the solution to my problem. Moving on! I was on You Tube today love going there and finding all kinds of clips of singers I loved when I was growing up, Palito Ortega, Lucecita, Danny Rivera, Yolandita Monge, Nydia Caro, Sandro, Raphael, Marisol, Joselito,Ray Barreto, Fania All Stars and I love finding my father hey I love the guy. Check this one out, I think he is the hardest working singer I know. Here are some photos remember always live life with a purpose and that regardless of the obstacles in your path as long as you are alive you can do something. Say hi if you come by!! Hugs Wanda

I can't sleep so I decided I needed to update my blog.

2007-05-25T04:37:00.000-05:00

It has been months since we last saw each other in the process of my journey one of the things I have neglected is my blog not sure why but here I am again, hopefully I will be more consistent and update every week or more. So what have I been up too? I just had surgery on May 15, 2007 I had a panniculectomy the plastic surgeon removed part of my lower abdomen including my belly button and now all that extra weight that was in my front is gone. I can see my knees I have dimples in my knees it is kind of funny. I can fit into clothes I never thought I could wear. I have lost a total of 150 pounds since this journey started,the day of my first surgery the gastric bypass I was at 389 since the surgery I have lost 130 pounds, I sometimes have a hard time believing all I have lost but it is true and the fact none of my clothes really fit is why I know it is real. I look at my face and I have big eyes, cheekbones, I am 109 pounds away from my goal weight. I gave myself a 150 goal weight. If I lose more I am OK with that but 150 is the goal for me right now. I had to go to the emergency room tonight because my JP drain was not working and when I got to the emergency room it had fallen off my body. In the afternoon I had gone to see my Primary Doctor and he was worried about an infection so he gave me a shot (hurt like @#$#) and gave me antibiotics to drink, the emergency room ran labs and I have to call my surgeon in the morning to see what she wants to do. See taking care of me is a 24/7 job. My labs say I have anemia so I have to keep on top of that. Life really never stops around here. One of the things that happened to me in the last three months was a computer malfunction so I was with no computer for almost five weeks give or take. I knew I am computer dependent but when the computer was not here I could not even pay the bills. Right before my surgery in April I had pneumonia and that made it so I almost missed my fathers 70 birthday in Puerto Rico, on April 20 all the siblings were going to get together and surprise my Dad on this big birthday celebration he had no Idea was going on. My DR gave me the OK to go a Day before my plane was scheduled to leave, needless to say it is a great thing my daughter is a flight attendant those trips would never happen otherwise, I don't have the resources to do things like this but her benefits make it possible for me to go places. I don't think I thank her enough for being who she is. We got there Wednesday in the afternoon, Thursday and Friday she and I went to the beach so she could get some sun and the Friday night we had the Birthday bash and she and I danced the night away.It was wonderful, while I was the my Titi Ana gave me Salvia (Aloe) and that took care of my sickness for good. The biggest thing for me about going to the island is that I was going to see my little brother on my Dad's side after almost thirty six years we were going to see each other again, I was finally going to meet his wife and two of his kids. I think that there are truly no words to express the joy I have in my heart right now that this has happened, sitting next to him, talking dancing sharing made me realize who many thing he and I have in common and the deep connection we share. I loved his wife, she is like me says it like it is and such a wonderful heart you can tell by the way she is with babies, his kids oh man they reminded me of mine when they were that age. Good times good times. Nicole had to go back to work on Saturday so I stayed in the island for about a week more and got to share with my Sister Eva her Kids and I got to see a little more of my Big brother Adalberto, I think as we get older we realize how important are the connections we have with each other. I think for me that is what it's all about family is number one and we need to make sure we take care of the one's we love and keep cultivating those relationships so they grow up to be strong trees that even in storms can not be moved.This reminds me of the most wonderful person I have the honor of calling friend she has been my number one fan since I started this journey and when I had this second surgery she came in to see me at the hospital, I know for a fact she is a very busy woman but always takes time for me it humbles me to call her friend. I know she reads my blog so Rita if you are reading this thank you so much for all you do for me and for always making me feel very special. You have a gift my friend the world is a better place because you are in it. I love ya!! Moving on! I want to go visit my brother this summer, I want to go back to the island before summer is over. This is going to be the first year I will not be teaching summer school, if my DR releases me to work I will need to find a job after June 15 I have no income coming to me at all because of the way this disability works. They only pay you for the hours you are under contract and as on June 15 the contract is done and I don't start again until the end of August or the Dr releases me to work which can be longer. I am so worried at many levels especially because right now my health is fragile. So keep me in your thoughts so I can keep healing and get a summer job that I enjoy and will make sure I pay the bills. I will come back to this theme at another time. Just pray I receive wisdom to make the right choices. I am going to be a grandma again in September looking forward to that a new life is always a blessing and Jimmy is looking forward to being a big brother. Here are images of some of the things I have been talking about. Remember to live life with a purpose no matter what you do in life if you live life with a purpose you are always going to touch someone. Enjoy the photos more to come soon I hope. Hugs Wanda

Trying to be at more than one place is not easy!!

2007-02-21T16:39:00.000-06:00

As a teacher it has been my mantra that you have to be a positive example in your students life. As a mother that is what keeps me going! I am trying as a WLS patient to be that a positive example even when things are not perfect knowing that this surgery is a tool and that I was given this tool to use it. I am at 317 pounds which means that since the day of my surgery I have lost 63 pounds. I left the Hospital at 370, came home and as of today this is my weight loss. It has been slow and steady and because of my fluid retention on my abdomen who knows how many more pounds I have lost. I am taking my furrosimide everyday because my legs get really swollen with the shift on how I carry my weight. I have Varicose veins popping everywhere because of the change in how my weight is carried. You ask me will you have done it if you knew all these was going to happen my answer is yes. I just would of been more mentally prepared for the challenges ahead. I am doing OK I am still at home due to Dr's orders I loose my balance easily and the weight of my Panni is taking a toll on my back. I go see another plastic surgeon on Tuesday and then I will know when I will have the next surgery. I am worried but my worries are more of a financial nature I am the main wage earner in the house so I am waiting on a decision from the people that handle our long term disability policy and see what they have to say. I am hoping that all goes well and not to many hurdles to jump. I miss being in the classroom but right now I know I would not be of any good in a class full of teenagers. I want to be well so I can give them my all. So April is the date the Dr has in mind right now but that is also tentative and if I have surgery that can change. My life is never easy, but I roll with the punches because I know I am blessed in so many ways. I try to always look for that light at the end of the tunnel that will illuminate my path so I don't falter and I keep going always with the hope that things have to get better. I think that keeps me balanced. My hubby and my youngest went to Puerto Rico to visit family and this is when I am happy Nicole does the job she loves. Her benefits blessed us with the opportunity to go and see our family. I know before she had this job I had not been to Puerto Rico in almost seven years. So now they are there and I am hoping it stops raining enough that they can enjoy their stay. I am pretty sure they will. I miss them but I am so happy they got to go. They stay with family so not to much cost involved and the trip is part of her benefits. I hope I can go this summer and spend some time with my family over there. It will all depend on my health. I am creating which is always good and I need to scan all these pages I have not scanned and I taking care of me that is a full time job. You can't stop caring about yourself because you are the most precious thing you have. So make sure you continue to live life with a purpose and I promise I will be updating more!! Hugs Wanda

Jimmy's Army

2007-02-08T17:42:00.000-06:00

Well after reading my tittle you are all going to wonder what is wrong with Wanda but when you see the photos you will get it. I have been at home wont be able to go back to work until April according to my DR. I need to keep my feet up because they get swollen due to the weight of my abdomen. I keep getting smaller and it keeps getting harder to carry my abdomen. It(my abdomen) retains water and has a life of it's own. I was not prepared mentally for this when it started now I just roll with the punches and try to look at the positives. I wanted to send big hugs to all the people that in one way or another have helped me the past months. The list is big but you guys know who you are and all I am going to say is that there are no words in the world that can express how moved touched I am by the care you have showed me and my family. This month I know the challenges of dealing with the huge pay cut the district made me realize that there is no way I can do some things all by myself and the love and support and prayers are all cherished in my heart. My kids use to ask me Mom why do you do the things you do and I always said because when you live life with a purpose you know you have a direction and even when things seem to be at their worst light and wisdom will come out of every situation. I realize when people are young and you tell them things like this they look at you and shrug their shoulders and sometimes think yeah right. The truth is that my kids have seen the love and care people we have sometimes no even meet reaching out to help. This in itself is one of the most valuable lessons we have learned from this experience. The lessons for me are of a different nature, some have to do with my ability to be resilient and face obstacles I had no idea I could. That setting personal goals for myself is something I can do but look forward to each day. That my creativity and art are an integral part of my soul and that if I am not able to be creative my soul can die. That I have five kids that are all unique in different ways but each day they show me the way they love me is unconditional. That my friends humbles me. I think I will write more about this one later. That my grandson is the sweetest kid I know and that even though he lives in two households and is back and forth every other week he never forgets me. Proof of this on Tuesday when he left he said to me "Grandma I am going to miss you when I go to Daddy's house, you remember me OK" Now how can I forget this dear child is beyond me. The truth is that this kid is such a gift when he saw his dad he said to him Daddy I missed you. He is so sweet and words still come easy for him. My prayers are that he never changes. I have been creating as always some pages a lot of crocheting I am also making leg warmers and hats you can place an order with me for those .So the list is right now I have scarves, ponchos, leg warmers and Hats. My method of preferred payment is pay pal. Feel free to email me at gel2mat@yahoo.com if you want any of my handmade creations. Scarves are 20-25, belts are 10-15, ponchos 30-40 hats are 10-15 and leg warmers and 2o-30 depending on the yarn. My daughter is in one of the photos modeling a hat scarf and her leg warmers. Make sure if you stop by leave me some love!! Winter is not going anywhere but I also make light things for spring and summer. The layouts on this post one is for Scrap Kitchen the new kit Chef has available for sale and her Phunky frames. I love them. The photo of mw which I took in my bathroom mirror the overlays are by Clara Wallace from A matter of Scrap. Thank you for stopping by, as always live life with a purpose. Hugs Wanda

In a world where not everything is what it seems we find kindness!

2007-01-28T22:02:00.000-06:00

I am feeling rather philosophical today I will start by sharing how touched I have been by all the kindness people have shown towards me in this moment of my life. I am doing good lost a total of 69 pounds right now but it can be more but because of my abdomen issues I am retaining fluids and such so the actual weight loss will never be accurate. I have a neck now which is kind of cool and my face changes a little everyday. I have a blog at http://www.obesityhelp.com/member/gel2mat/ so feel free to go check it out with the most recent information on my weight loss. The Dr's are talking about a second surgery for my abdomen I will know more on Feb 1, 2007 and will make sure to update both blogs because I know people read this thing. I also want to plug on my blog, this little online store that is doing a beautiful thing for me. http://www.scrappersplace.com/ I am humbled by the beautiful gesture she has made towards me so people go check out the store and buy some awesome goodies even after the fundraiser is over. Feb is going to be an interesting month around here. I am under Dr's orders to stay home rest take care of myself and that is what I have been doing. I also have been designing my scarves, belts, ponchos,scrunchies, and hats so I am sharing the photos of the ones I was able to take so far. More to come. The scarves are 20.00/25.00 with shipping in the US. The belts/fashion scarves are 15.00/20.00 with shipping, hats are 10.00 to 15.00 depending on the style. Ponchos are 30.00-40.00 also depending on the yarn and style. I also am designing hair scrunchies and those start at 5.00. I have designed a hat inspired on the 1920 flappers but my son is in Texas and it will have to wait until tomorrow. So here are some photos of my creations. I also have random photos I have been taking around the house. I needed to do head shots for some upcoming things. I will be finishing articles and some other stuff this week and will be creating other goodies to sell. If you stop by say hi and pass the word around. I take pay pal or postal money orders. Email me if you have questions. I love you all and want to thank all the people who love me and support me and that have been a part of my journey. Hugs Wanda

I actually created a page WOW!

2007-01-05T12:57:00.000-06:00

I have done a lot of other things during this time of getting better but no actual pages yet. So this one is special because it is of my favorite person in the whole wide world. He makes me a better person because I can see the world through his eyes and not become a cynic. He has the most beautiful heart and is so easy going it is hard not to love him and give him all he wants. That is when balance needs to step in. Who knew almost seven years ago that when I became a grandma our lives would change so much. I think we smile more and I know Jose and I talk more about Jimmy than the rest of the kids. We love that his love for us is so unconditional and we hope that as he gets older that does not change. Christmas was bitter sweet around here because for the first time the kids where spread around because of work and relationship obligations. I am sure glad I get to capture these moments with my camera moments in time never to be forgotten. Today I am doing OK still tired and the pain on my left side is still there Dr says I strained something but it had more to do with the drain I had inserted there, some how my nerve endings are having a hard time connecting normally who knew. I am trying to get my mind around a creative mantra will see what happens. One of the things I love about my LSS Scrapbook Superstore in Madison Wisconsinhttp://www.scrapbooksuperstore.net/ is that when I go there I am always inspired by the people and especially by the people that own and run the store. I miss that being around them. I am or restrictions to not lift more than ten pounds and since I have to rest right now I just need to take it easy. In reality all I want to do is go to the store and crop. I think it has more to do with Rita the owner and Missy and the girls than anything else. Just wanted to make sure they knew how much they have meant to me over these years. I hope to go cropping soon. I am still crocheting a storm and even though this winter has been mild a beautiful handmade scarf is still a beautiful gift. I will be selling then for 24.99 shipping included, international orders pay actual shipping. I hope to have some photos up soon of the scarves. You can always look at older post and find the photos of the ones I made last year. I take pay pal payment gel2mat@yahoo.com and postal money orders. Let me know if you are interested. See my post are like my life all over the place. I would love for people that have bought my scarves or have received them for gift to post about the quality and beauty of the scarves. OK that is all for today remember my motto the only way to live life is to live it with a purpose and meaning. No amount of complaining can fix what you can't control so look at the positive things you have going in your life and don't dwell on the negatives. Hugs Wanda

The life and story that refuses to be silent!

2007-01-02T23:38:00.000-06:00

Hello people out there in blog world. I have been busy with me and have not had time to update my blog. I have so many things to say and share but somehow the words really are having a hard time coming I have no Idea why. I know I am overwhelmed with emotions right now and that in itself does not help. I had my surgery on December 12, 2006 and everything went well. my family was with me and my mother and brother made such an effort to be there at least two times a day and I really can not put into words how much that meant to me. Seeing my sister and my nephew Sam and my grandson Jimmy. The friends that went to see me the flowers the cards all those things together made for a very pleasant stay at the hospital. I left the Hospital on Friday of that week and the adventure of finding me begins. I don't think this road is one that can be taken unless you have the support of your family. Case in point I needed to walk on the treadmill so I can start getting my body used to moving and so my skin does not go all crazy on me as I loss weight. So the treadmill now has a place of honor in the entrance of our house so I can walk when I want to and for however I want too. Now if you know my hubby you know this is love and support the man is kind of set in his ways and a treadmill does not belong in the Living room. My days as I get stronger consist of walking, eating resting, walking, reading resting. Who knew learning to take care of yourself is a 24 hour job. I need to remember to take my vitamins these are things I need to do the rest of my life. I am on antibiotics my incision has a small opening that has not healed and it is about an Inch long kind of scary but I see the Dr on Friday and I will take it from there. I am up to 30 minutes three to four times a day on the treadmill but hubby thinks I pulled a muscle on my chest and this is where this pain I have on my left side is coming from so I promised not to do the treadmill today to see if it got better. It is not better but it is not worse all I want to do is walk. I have to remember I need to keep my promises it is after all about my health. As for the weight loss it really depends on what the Dr says. I am retaining water on my panniculus adiposus is part of the subcutaneous tissue. It is a fatty layer deep to the skin. In certain animals, including humans, it is abundant and widely distributed, and contains fibrous bands connecting the overlying skin to deep fascia, as well as nerves, blood vessels and lymphatics to the skin. since surgery it is heavy and feels hot to the touch part of the reason I have to take antibiotics. I have no idea if this will get better what I do know is that sometimes it gets so heavy it hurts. This is something I was not counting on so it really makes me wonder what my real weight loss has been. I started the Day of surgery at 360 left the hospital at 369 went in to see the Surgeon and was at 361, then went in to see Dr Keil and there I was at 359, at home when I weigh myself I am at 352 so the weight is coming off and that is what matters. I am following all the Dr's orders eating all the things I have too and making sure I drink my water and take my protein. I don't crave food so at this point I eat because I know I have too. I measure and weigh everything I eat and I make sure the things I put in my mouth are allowed by the nutritionist. My feelings about this is if you are going to do such a life altering thing you make sure you take care of yourself. According to the Dr I don't go back to work until January 24, 2007 he wants to make sure I am strong and eating what I need to be healthy. Thoughts I am aware that this is a long term thing that it is in my hands to use this tool I have been given to do what is right for my body and my health. I have many reflections of the things that are going through my head right now. So this might be long but I think it is important that I write all these down because writing is good for the soul. 1.When I started this journey I was aware that it was going to be a life changing thing, that it was not a miracle cure to lose weight it was a tool. I worry that the tool might not work but I am not going to go there. 2. No one can embarks in a WLS adventure without a system of support, I am blessed to have a family that loves me and supports me 100% I don't take that for granted I give thanks to the powers above that my family is my rock when I can't be the rock. That I have a husband who loves me despite who I am and children who love me with the same intensity I love them. Proof of that is the bed I am sleeping on. My son Giovanni, my son John Michael and my mother got together to buy me my king size bed, I bought it from the same people that I bought my original bed, that bed set had 19 years already. The total came to 649.00 of which Gio put the the bulk of the money, it was our Christmas gift from him, that kid has a heart of gold and I love love the bed. I like my mattress firm and strong and this bed is made right here in Wisconsin by Wisconsin Bedding and they make awesome beds. It is just a Mattress and Box Springs and frame nothing fancy but to me it is gold. I like that it is made to order and that they knew how firm I like my mattresses. My office chair broke after seven years of abuse and my daughter Nicole went out and bought me the most beautiful comfortable chair because with the surgery I need to be comfortable if I am going to be using the computer. That when the kids are at home all my needs are being taken care off and when I say taken care off I mean that. The first week was hard on everyone and at one point Nicole said well my CNA training had to come in handy sometime that is the kind of week I am talking about. Especially when it seems I have developed some sort of lactose intolerance that gave me and them a lot of work enough said. 3. This year for me is going to be one of reflection and to some extent self centered that I am going to be taking care of me and focus on me. This in itself is against my nature so it is all part of the learning for me. 4. I am learning that while I love my job the fact that when the district makes the mistake of misinformation they have no Idea how they affect people's lives. I finally learned how much money is going to be cut from my check and when. In February my take home pay for the month will be around 575.00 dollars. The district is keeping 1695.00, since I am the primary wage earner in my house how is it that I am suppose to pay my bills. It is going to be interesting. I don't know how, I know I have to do it but this was not expected or planned for so I am sitting here trying not to panic. This is what happens when technology and common sense don't meet. The last two years the amount of sick days in our paychecks is wrong because of some technical issue and no one told us this was going on. So I can't do anything about it, I am not one to dwell but this one is hard. I have no rich relative to go to and ask for money we are a family that lives from month to month it is the nature of this economy especially when the middle class is a dying breed. I tell myself to take it easy make some scarves sell them remember you are a survivor. Somehow I will get through this one I hope. 5. That regardless of all the negatives the positives in my life will always outweigh the negative stuff and that is what life is all about. I believe in this with all my heart and it is my mantra. 6. Living life with a purpose is what we are put in this earth to do and I will continue to strive to do this with every breath I take. My stay in this planet is to short for it to be wasted in petty things. I will strive to make sure I keep on the path of positive living and thinking. 7. I will never underestimate the power of the friendships I have made through the Net and I hope that the people that care about me as I care for them remember that. 8. Looking forward to being creative and letting the world see all the different aspects of my creativity and how these make me the artist I am today. My focus in the creative front have been at a stall but soon I hope to be creating full speed ahead. I have things I have to scan so I can share and I need to decide if I want to enter HOF. I have most of my entry done I just need to commit to getting it finished. 9. Not being ashamed to ask for help when I need it and knowing that some things are really out of my control. So if you feel the need to help this sister out let me know, I wont say no. Finally here are some images of me and what my life has been like the last few weeks. Some of the photos are kind of gross but the journey is not pretty it is what is .

Today is the last Day and the beggining of something New!

2006-11-27T12:28:00.000-06:00

Like my tittle well some days it is hard to be an original so I settle for humor. Tomorrow I start my two week pre-operation Diet. Which means I am on a high protein almost no carbs liquid sort of Diet. Interesting what they allow you to eat and what they don't allow. I am going to start drinking Protein drinks and these will become a staple of my diet for the rest of my life. They are not cheap so it adds up. This weekend between Vitamins for two weeks and protein powder, a small scale and a pill crusher, I spent over 175.00 bucks. I knew this process was going to be expensive but I had no Idea. So less money for supplies for my hobby but I do take donations of any kind. LOL I think that the thing that intrigues me the most is how insurance does not cover these vitamins you have to take for the rest of your life. The bottle is 26.00 dollars it comes with 120 and I have to chew on four a day. When you get bypass surgery a lot of medications will have to be taken in liquid form or chewable. Your body needs to absorb as many vitamins as possible before they are loss to poor reabsorbing this is the best method to take medication and you need to take them as the Doctor tells you. So a bottle of these pills will last me 30 days so every month I will be spending a good chunk of money of things I have to take the rest of my life I know this is a good thing but this is on top of grocery money, so I sure hope my work starts getting picked up for publication cause Wanda needs the money. The dream of a Cannon 30D or a 5d is a thing of the past right now, I can't afford neither of them I know the kids were talking about getting me the camera but right now they are going through some crisis of their own so I really don't think it is going to happen. Last Night my son Giovanni's car motor blew on his car so that is going to put him down a lot of money and he just had surgery on his mouth and that is more money. John Michael is busy planning all his trips for next year and buying plane tickets and plane reservations. So my dream of owning this camera needs to be put aside because I do need a Bed and a dresser our Mattress set was purchased in 1989 and being that I am not a small woman and that bed has held all the family at one point or another. It is a tired bed and needs to be replaced not sure if it can happen, but it needs to happen. I wish I was someone who did not have to worry about money and expenses but I do, some things will need to be sacrificed so others can happen. I know I have to buy the vitamins I need and I know I have to buy the protein it is really essential to be committed to your health when you undergo Bariatic surgery so I can't take it lightly. I took me three years to make this decision I want to be healthy to enjoy the benefits of having the surgery. It is important that I remember this. I was busy this weekend creating and thinking about my family, I miss my Dad a lot there are times I just wish he would be around just to give him a hug. I know he is OK my step mom called me on Thanksgiving and left a message saying they were all OK but I do miss the guy. I talked to my oldest Sister this weekend that is always a nice experience love her to pieces. There are times I feel so torn with all the things going on in my life, some are good some are not so good but if I keep everything in perspective I know I am so blessed these things will all pass. In my Dream World Cannon people will read my blog. Hey you never know right. Who is out there in Cyber world. So I decided to make a list of the things I dream of having but at this time are not going to happen because my health is more of a priority and lets face it money does not grow on trees.

My Wish List includes

1. A Cannon 5D or a 30D

2. A laptop computer so I can be mobile Apple or PC I love them both.

3. A New floor for my Kitchen

4. A new something for our one and only bathroom don't know how eight people can live in a one bathroom house come and talk to us.

5. A New bed

6. A New Dresser

7. A New TV and DVD player

8. The WII for Jimmy so he can play the weeks that we have him.

9. That the soldiers come back home

10. That everyday people remember to count their blessings regardless of the blows life gives them it is what keeps me sane. 11. I also need a new deck because ours is falling apart and since it is like Five feet of the ground that can be dangerous. I try not to be outther much so if it breaks I don't get blamed.

I have to upload my latest work but in the meantime some oldies but goodies I have created in the past!! Here are also the new stuff I created this weekend!! Make sure to say hello if you stop by!! Hugs Wanda

Life does not get better than this !!

2006-11-23T21:59:00.000-06:00

Life really does not get better than this to be together with the one's I love to be able to share in the moment and be happy is all I ask of life. Today was one of those magical days. The day's when I look back and know how blessed I am to have the family I have and to be able to live in the now celebrating what we are and not what we wish we could be. I look at my children and my heart fills with this joy really there are no words to describe how a mother feels about her kids but for me it is that look in their faces that gives me the serenity to know that no matter the storm ahead they will have each other to anchor their lives and be with each other. Being able to share with two of my siblings makes me smile the moments we spend together are such a treasure and I try not to take them for granted. Being with my mom just in her presence knowing she loves me with the same unconditional love I love my own kids. Having her share with me those little things that mother and daughter share and that I share with my own girls. Having Jimmy with us this year and being able to see him enjoy this time so much because he knows what really is going on. I guess for me there is no money in the world that can buy the kind of day I had today. Some of the photos are blurry some people were laughing when taking the photos, but I still love each and everyone of them. My husband who I love with all my heart is the most difficult person to photograph. Their is a photo of me that Giovanni took and that just tells the story of the day. I see my face radiant happy and full of joy. Knowing that the road ahead while it will be full of bumps, somehow I know that my family will be around me to make sure the bumps are not as painful as they could be. Like I said it was the perfect day, only thing missing was Ollie, Eva, Jeffrey and my Dad but they were in my heart and that is another post for another day. I hope that you all had a beautiful day like I did and that if you didn't that you don't dwell on it because who knows what tomorrow might bring. All my love if you come by please say hi!! Much hugs Wanda

News and more news.

2006-11-22T12:32:00.000-06:00

This has been a very interesting two weeks. Life has given me many surprises some that are not to good some which are life changing. The not so good one's I will not dwell on life is to precious a gift to waste on what you can;t change. I only mention it so people that read this blog don't think that my life is all about the good stuff. My life is balanced because I really focus on the positive and celebrate the negative as a rite of passage that I call life. The negative stuff makes me grow the positive stuff makes me happy I am alive. For people that have been reading my blog you know the struggle with my health the last year has been, well on December 12, 2006 my life will change forever and that is a good thing. I am having Gastric bypass Surgery on this day. This has been a five year process in the making and now it is finally going to happen. I really want to make sure that people understand that I did not come to this decision lightly but as my health has been deteriorating I realized I needed to take steps to be around for a while. The next step in this process will be a two knee replacement that will happen in the summer. My hope is that with the weight loss my knees will not need to be replaced for a while my surgeon says he doesn't want me to have unrealistic expectation, but hey I am a dreamer so I can only hope. So for the next few months my blog will not only be an outlet for my art but it will serve as a dairy of sorts in which I document the transformation of my physical body. My issues if any is that I truly love this person I am and I am having issues coming to terms with the drastic changes that are ahead. Will the person who looks at me in the mirror a year from now be as happy with who she is as I am now? I really worry about this, but it is all a work in progress and my hope is that the love and support I have from my family and the friends I have will help me become as strong within my transformation as I am now. It is part of the growing process to surround yourself with the love of those that believe in you and their love will become your strands when you are weak. The circle of life if you want to give it a name. My thoughts for today is to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving if you celebrate the Holiday. I am more about the family on this time of year. I don't celebrate Thanksgiving as much as I celebrate the joy of having a family and being alive. Here are a few of older layouts that I really love!! Hugs and be safe and happy remember to cherish each day with all your heart! Wanda

Many things change some of them stay the same!!

2006-11-16T11:57:00.000-06:00

Busy creating and thinking

2006-10-29T22:19:00.000-06:00

I can't believe the weekend is almost over. Life has that tendency to keep on going can't stop it from moving if I say so myself. I was busy this weekend creating editing photos and doing layouts for my friend Sylvie's little girls. I do enjoy doing these little girls are very special. Jimmy is spending Halloween with his Dad I hope Nyome gets to have him for some hours, he is Rafael of the Ninja turtles. I love that little guy he makes me smile. He is so verbal now compared to where he was two years ago it is funny to hear him talk and be sassy and all. I have pictures of him in his costume I have to post them. I also have a layout made but all my paper layouts are waiting to b e scanned. That is the hardest part of sharing scanning and stitching which is why I love Digital instant gratification and it is beautiful to boot. My health is stable that is all I will say for now it is all a process I have an appointment on Tuesday and maybe more answers by then. The weekend was almost drama free and for that I am thankful. Kids I tell you no matter what age they are a handful. Here is some of the things I have been working on. I am also posting some photos with Jimmy and his costume and some from the pumpkin patch. I love seeing the relationship Jimmy has with his Titi Nicole she adores him and he adores her back. Life should be so simple. Today I was reminded one more time why I love my mother so much regardless of the fact that every once in a while she reminds me I might not get to heaven if I continue in the path I am. Hey it's my Mom she can tell me anything. Anyways she came to visit with my brother and they joined us for Dinner good thing I still have the Habit of cooking for Many so there is always plenty of food. We sat down and visited and we were talking about my upcoming surgery and it was just nice to just talk to her. It is one of those moments you just cherish forever, reminds me of how lucky and blessed to have her in my life and how she has molded the person I am today. I do love her so much sometimes words are not enough. So I write it down so when she reads the blog she knows I always listen and I always think about what she says. I might not always do things her way but I always listen to her words of wisdom after all she is my mother. Today I was talking to Nyome and her Dad about my last wishes if anything were to happen to me it's important to talk about these things life and death should be a part of the human experience. I was talking about wanting to be cremated and no life support for me I do not wish to be a burden to anyone. I now some people have issues when others talk about death but to me it is such a normal extension of living I want to remind them of how I feel. It was not a sad talk it was a matter of fact conversation that makes me happy I can have and not feel sad about my choices because I know they will respect them. Nyome was funny said to her Dad you know if Mom dies you will die right after her you guys can't live with out each other. I laughed but it is true I have no Idea what would happen if I loss Jose so we are not going to go there at least not today. Well enough of my mussings for today hope you have a wonderful week and remeber to make sure you tell the people you love that you love them. Blogger is acting up so photos will come later sorry!! Hugs Wanda

I do love to create because when I do I am free to be ME!!

2006-10-26T17:30:00.000-05:00

I have been creating like crazy but I really do not feel the need to post on the boards which is ok but how do I keep my name out there if people don't see my work. I am so happy I have a blog. I can be free to be who I want to be and only answer to me when I make mistakes. It has been a busy week. I love my job I have always loved teaching but this year there is this new love for what I am doing. I have kids that make me smile who are so smart and so eager to learn, I have some who really don't know what they want but are still searching. I have some that just make me laugh. I also have some that even though they challenge my patience I have grown to love them and think of them all the time. Why is it that the kids that give you the hardest time are the ones you think about the most, I mean I think of them and smile. I really think there has to be something wrong with me but hey it's all good. My health a lot of you have asked and there are no updates in this department, so hard to be in limbo. I am doing all the Doctor says and even though there are days in which the pain in my knees is so bad all I want to do is cry, I do what I have to do and take care of myself. I have an appointment on the 31 of this month and maybe I will have more answers then. I got an Email form Kim Luthy that they were going to be publishing one of my post in the NSA blog needless to say I was flattered and honored to be chosen. I love Kim and the energy she brings to everything she does. http://nsavoices.typepad.com/ The link is for you to check them out on Friday. I am looking forward to what people think of my story. The creating front is good tomorrow I will be cropping all day and I am so looking forward to that. I need to do this often before the weather gets so bad and no one can drive me at night. They say this winter is going to be interesting. On Saturday we had almost three inches of snow. Sylvie my friend from Thailand had her baby girl Anjali and she is beautiful, Amelie is now a big sister. I get to scrapbook both sisters and I am so honored I can do that. Tomorrow is Giovanni's birthday, my son is going to be 23 years old and he is such a blessing. I know my mother reads this blog so I want to let her know how much I love her and that her love for me is my rock. My siblings who also read this blog I love you all and I want to make sure you all know. To my children who also come to read this I know you guys are not perfect but you are all mine and for that I am honored. I love what you are faults and all and I thank my lucky stars I get to be your Mom. Here are some of my latest creations. I hope you like them leave some love if you can!! Hugs Wanda

The week is already gone?

2006-10-20T14:21:00.000-05:00

This week has gone by so fast and a part of me wonders where did it go. Do not get me wrong I love the weekend but right now there is so much work to do with my students that I want to make sure all of it gets done. So Monday we go back to the grind. This weekend I will be creating on Saturday I have an all day crop and hopefully will get a lot done. I am not a fast scraper so I could use this time. I was thinking about this movement I am seeing of people leaving their blogs or any creative endeavor because they feel they are taking away from their family. I understand this it is all about balance. My kids are older so my worries are of a different nature. So I continue to create because it really keeps me sane. Sylvie my beautiful friend from Thailand had her baby no pictures yet but I can't wait to see Anjali. Amelie now has a baby sister to play with. I decided to share some of my older layouts in the blog some are two years old some are six months I think one is almost three years. Someone told me I was always ahead of my time. I wonder why. Leave some love if you come to visit!! Hugs Wanda

The Drama of real life!!

2006-10-15T14:11:00.000-05:00

My poor neglected blog I confess that the reason is because I believe that if you have nothing positive to share just keep thinking about what you have to say. So now as I sit here I want to share some lessons I have learned in the last two months. I have been busy with work, this is my first year teaching over 120 students, so trying to keep up is always a challenge. I want to do the best job possible but I also want to challenge them to do their best. This week I saw kids about to give up on themselves because they are not used to being successful. That worries me I know these kids are capable brilliant and more. Why are they giving up? What can I do? I am still thinking about this but it is hard for me to watch because I will never give up on them. I have been doing this for 15 years and it really does not get easy. Every new group of kids brings a different challenge to the table, and while I welcome the challenge it is sometimes overwhelming when I think too much about it. I am very fortunate this year to have a student teacher that is very capable and that has created great connections with the kids and that I can bounce ideas and frustrations with him and we can come up with solutions together. Makes my job a little easier. The department has embraced me and that feels good so life is the job front while not easy and consumes me, is going good. My personal life well that is always interesting, as our kids get older their needs and our ideas of what they should do with their lives always hits a wall. Our kids are independent thinkers which is healthy and welcomed by me. My hubby well lets just say the past few weeks have been really hard on him, and while I wish he would relax and try to go with the flow of changes in our kids lives he is kind of stubborn and I doubt that is in his gene makeup. He is convinced his life will be better if he lives in Puerto Rico dealing with the drama of his siblings and nieces and nephews. While I don't understand his thinking I have decided to just keep my mouth and feelings to myself, and see what happens in the next few months. This is not a question of him not loving me, it is a matter of him dealing with all the demons that have taken over his life since his mother died. I have embraced the fact that until he deals with these issues there will always be this notion in his head that life is better anywhere his kids are not. We have a saying "Ojos que no ven corazon que no siente" While I can translate the essence of this "if you don't see it with your eyes it will not hurt you", In Spanish the impact is stronger. I just wish I had some magic formula that would help everyone deal with whatever issues are near to their heart but I don't. So I just listen and try to mediate between all parties involved and hope that Jose realizes I am not taking sides I am just being a Mom. My kids would argue I always take his side I say I always remain in the middle trying for everyone to reach a compromise. Do I do this? I am not sure right now I know it is consuming my energy, so it is a big deal. Sometimes I wish people did not expect that I am going to be strong all the time. I want to be taken care off and not have to worry about everything. Oh well so is life. So I go on and do what I have to do and continue to think about all the possible solutions to the problems we face everyday. On the creating front I am creating but I am not sharing much a part of me just wants to see where this road is taking me. After almost two years of working with DDD7 designs the owner decided to stop production of her Spanish line and my tenure in the design team is done. This was hard since I spent so many months hoping this venture would take off. The need for the papers and designs is there. She is still producing her beautiful French paper line but could only carry one of the Spanish team to the French side and Maite got that honor and because I love Maite I wish her the best. Edith is very lucky to have her. I am looking forward to creating projects for Paper House and right now I am hoping that any manufacturer that needs and eclectic scraper that loves to create and is always willing to push the envelope of creativity and will add not only creativity but diversity to their team will contact me and let me create for them. I have decided that only if I sell myself will I receive the opportunities I want for myself. In my dream world I would love to Design for Maya Road and Deluxe Designs I love what they are doing with their chipboard lines and have been working with their products a lot. Fancy Pants chipboards are awesome too. I have this love affair with all Gin-X products so that is a company I would love to work for. I know there are others out there like American Crafts, Karen Fosters, EK, Anna Griffin, KandC, Making Memories, Die Cuts with a View. Right now for me it's all about creating, and chipboard is on my mind. There is something about chipboard the really makes me smile I love to paint it, Ink it, draw designs on them. It is flexible and allows me to create what I love. So like I said before if you are a Manufacturer and need an artist to interpret your product in a different way than the norm email me. My name is Wanda E. Santiago and I approve this message. On the Digital front Simple Scrapbook is about to launch it's New Magazine and Website and as part of their New Creative Editorial Board I am excited about this. I love that my work in the Digital Realm is valued. I love working in the Digital realm there is something so calming about being on the computer and creating, to be recognized for my work in this department is a dream come true for me. Seeing my name along artist that I admire and look up to is exciting. http://www.digitalscrapbooking.com/ The next year in the digital realm is going to be something I am going to look forward too. I know this is going to be big, I am happy I get to be a part of this. So keep checking out the site sign up for updates subscribe to the new magazine it is going to be BIG. My health is fragile right now that is all I will say about this, I am taking care of myself and doing everything the Dr's are telling me to do. My hope is that this too will pass and that by December I will have answers and solutions to the things that are making my life harder these days. I refuse to feel sorry for myself and please be assured if you read my blog that some of the issues I am dealing with are life and death things. The good news is that I am taking steps to change what is going on, the process is slow and painful but I want to be around for a long time so I will continue to do what the Dr's tell me to do. Here are some of the pages I have worked on in the past few weeks some of them are over two years old and I am finally sharing them, I am glad I can create and I do love to share, I am just being selective of how I share. They represent the range of the work I do when I look at them they make me smile and happy which is the best thing about creating. I hope you enjoy this journey with me. Creating is the one process that I will never get tired of. I always want to create in one way or another. The idea that something is being made by my hands always makes my adrenaline pump. It is a very good thing. Hugs and leave some love if you come by so I know you have been around. I also want to shout out to HP who makes the best printers in the world seriously and they can hook me up with a laptop anytime so I can do my digital work anywhere I go hey a girl can dream right, My Digital work is going to be a major focus for me this year and I need mobility as part of my computer needs. I can't afford one right now but I can dream and I can also test drive any model they might be designing for the computer scrappers out there. It is my blog and I will cry if I want too or anything else I want to do!! Keep th epeace and remeber to exercise your right to VOTE!!

Survivors

2006-08-30T19:59:00.000-05:00

Some stories need to be told and some just need to remain silent. I am debating about posting my work in any board as of today. It's something I have been thinking about a lot. If you have some insight or feedback let me know. I just made this page and I really love it but I guess I may be the only one. The journaling is really what is important I have to write these things down because if I die I want these things around. I had my appointment today with the Orthopedic surgeon my prognosis is not good but there is not much I can do about that. Tomorrow is the one with my family Dr and then I will have some answers. I am doing everything I am told to do. I am still tired all the time and that can drain anyone. The journaling on the layouts goes like this I think people always wonder what keeps us together after all these years. We have been together since I was 12 and you were seventeen which is a lifetime. We have five kids, one grandson. What people fail to see is the life we have built together the work we have put in keeping us being us. We have our ups and downs especially when it comes to the kids they are all adults now and it's hard for you to just let go. Easy for me to say I think in some ways I am the same. People ask us what is the secret to being together for so long. I always say you have to have a sense of humor when a person does something or says something you now is stupid. I mean if we only dwell on the negatives how can we find the good. We are not perfect by any means but what we are is loving to one another and we try to not let the little things get to us. I think it is easier for me than for you. I know there are times I make you angry and there are times you make me angry but there are also the times when you make me very happy. I think the thing I love the most about you is that you do love me for me. That you are always proud of the things I have accomplished and that even when I think you don't notice you do. The conversation between you and Nicole when you went to Puerto Rico "Nicole you have to take a picture of this fish I am eating your mom will love to scrap this", Now tell me what is not to love about that. So you see we have been through so much together sometimes it's hard to just be you and me it is always us. We are survivors in more ways than we can count. The thing that has survived the longest is our love for each other. Wanda and Jose in El Yunque, Puerto Rico 2005

A story sometimes needs to be told.

2006-08-27T19:02:00.000-05:00

I have wanted to record this story so my kids will have a legacy of all that makes our life. I want to honor this man I love so much not only with words but celebrating him. He is such a wonderful person and sometimes that gets lost in traslation. The story you are about to read is true and at the time it was a changing force in our lives. I have always loved Jose but after this day I not only loved him I learned that love can conquer all. Twenty three years ago our lives changed forever and to this day I have not been able to sit down to write what happened that day. The experience while it made us stronger almost took you away from me and it is hard for me to think about this and be calm about it. I was pregnant with Giovanni on April 3, 1983 we had just found out and while you were happy about this, Nyome was only six months old and you were concerned about me not being strong enough. I think we now laugh at that but at the time it was a real concern. The day started as any Sunday in our house bottles breakfast and the usual running around. You had some coffee but you were not hungry enough to eat so you left to go visit your Mom. She lived up the street so if I needed you all I had to do was send Joey to get you. I remember the sound that ripped my heart in two and lives in my memory forever. I was sitting down giving Nyome her lunch and as usual she was not to happy about it. All of the sudden I hear the sound of bullets being fired. I remembered you told me never go out when you hear that noise, but something told me I had too and I told Joey to stay with the baby and I ran out in my house dress and sandals to see what was going on. I can’t really explain with words the impact of what I saw and how it changed my life forever. I lost my innocence in that one moment when I saw you trying to stand up your shirt full of blood and people yelling you had been shot by a drive by shooter. I ran to you as fast as I could and held you in my arms and started yelling for someone to bring a car so we could take you to the Hospital. I remember that trip so vividly you were lying down in the back seat trying to calm me down I could see the blood in your face in your stomach and in your legs. I was not sure how many times you had been shot but you kept telling me to be calm that everything was going to be ok. I tried I really tried, you asked me to make sure they did not take your boots because they were your only pair of boots. I promised I would make sure no one stole your boots. These are the things I remember the doctors taking you in the emergency room and starting to cut off your clothes and take off your boots. They ran with you to the x-ray room and I was not allowed there because of my pregnancy. I stood at the door and watched while you were bleeding out your kidney and they debated if the bullet that had hit your face was in your brain because they could not find an exit wound. I could see you had a tube going out that was filling with your blood but you never lost your consciousness. A surgeon came in and started looking at your face and saw a small little hole right next to your nose and said this is the exit wound let get this guy to surgery. I remember as they wheeled you out of there you grabbed my arm and asked me for Joey and I said he is home with my Mom don’t worry. You said I love you and I just wanted to cry but I remembered I needed to be strong then you said where are my boots and I ran to see the orderly and asked for your boots. The guy said you were going to die anyway what was the point. I said he asked for them I guess he needs them. I got the boots and ran to the surgery floor and the longest hours of my life were about to begin. You had suffer multiple gunshots to your leg, your back, and your face. The bullet that entered through your back traveled all around before it exited out of you body. You lost your left kidney and you had five perforations in your stomach, duodenum, and colon transversal. The surgeons came out when they could not save your kidney and told me right now it a 20/80 chance he will make it. I looked at him and said oh he will make it he needs his boots. Those boots that I held in my lap for more than 12 hours while they tried to repair your broken body. They came out again to tell me they could not do anything with the bullets in you leg because it would do more damage than good so the shattered bones would have to heal with the bullets inside of you. When the surgery was over you were put in intensive care and I could only see you for ten minutes everyday. You were connected to machines and you had a colostomy, you had a cast in you leg and your face was a little bruised. You were alive and that was all that mattered. I would go home and pray that you would make it through the night. One night you stopped breathing and they had no idea what was going on. You were gone for a minute or so and I was home on my knees praying for a miracle at that time. You came back and after that two days later you were allowed to be out of intensive care and in a regular room. We spent the next month and a half in the hospital you could not eat or drink for a long time. You had to get used to the colostomy and I slept on a chair next to you almost every night. I have no idea who took care of the kids I needed to be with you. All I could think about was he needs to get stronger we need to get out of here. I left one day to see the kids and get some clothes for you the doctors had been talking about letting you go home. I wanted to make sure I had your clothes, we had to move to my mothers house so I could take care of you since you could not work. We could not afford to live in the house we rented. The doctors where worried about my pregnancy but I was stubborn and would not leave. When I came back happy at the thought of bringing you home the surgeon was coming out of your room with this face that made my world stop. He said to me that there was a problem with your colostomy they thought your intestines were dying and you had necrosis inside. I just looked at him and said we need a second opinion. I don’t know where I got the courage to be so strong and advocate for you but I did. The baby inside of me was suffering enough I was not going to loose his father because someone was making a wrong diagnosis. They came into the room with a team and started talking like we were not there. I said hey we are both here and we are not stupid will you please talk to us. One of the surgeon was arguing that what happened was when they did the colostomy they had hurt a small blood vessel and the blood stopped flowing so you developed a piece of skin that had died but that everything else was fine. The others thought you had necrosis and you would not survive more than 36 hours. The surgeon then took the bag away from your colostomy took a bottle of distilled water and started cleaning you and the piece of dead skin fell of and the other surgeons just stood there and watched. Two days later we where sent home and our lives would change forever. Crutches, colostomy bags, adhesives and cleaning supplies became a normal part of our lives. Dr’s appointments, and late night massaging you knees and calf because the pain was so horrible and you could not bend your knee. I remember sitting on the floor and massaging you for hours. Until the knee started moving and bending some. I was getting big with child and we needed to find a place to live. I would go to the government offices and wait hours to see someone to talk about an apartment. In October finally when I though I would have the baby living at my mother’s house we got the apartment and moved. I remember those stairs that fourth floor apartment and no elevator and not being able to help during the move. Giovanni was born and three months later we went to my grandfathers church to present him to God and the congregation. I wanted to remember that day forever and I took these photos of you holding Giovanni and that look on his face that reminded us of all the suffering he had while he was inside me. He was your boy everywhere you went he wanted to be with you. I remember he refused to take bottles so you would take him and bring him back so I could feed him and then off you two went. I think that is when he started smiling, when you showered him with attention. I found these photos I taught I had lost when we moved to Wisconsin and I could remember so clearly why these photos where so important they show a boy with his father but they don’t tell the tale of how we almost lost you. I wanted that to be a part of the book of our lives. The good the bad and the ugly is what makes us what we are today. It is hard for people to understand why we had two more kids after that but you wanted eight my compromise was five. I look at our family and realize twenty three years ago if I had not listened to my heart you might not be here today and the photos that are part of this collage would never exist. I don’t want to dwell on what happened we have moved on but I want our kids to remember that everyday we have with you is a blessing that we should never take for granted. I have always loved you 33 years and counting and to me that day we became one. Everyday I thank God he let you stay with us. I don’t know what my life would be without you. You are not perfect but you are perfect for me and that is all that matters. As our kids get older the story might not be remembered but now it will live on. Not to dwell but to celebrate that you are not a victim you are a SURVIVOR. Events happened April 3,1983;the Journaling August 25, 2006. The layout is a collage of my kids our grandson and a 23 year old photo that means so much to me. I am glad I have a way to capture these memories. Thank you for reading and make sure you say hi if you come and visit!! Hugs Wanda

It has been a while but I think my news will make up for it!

2006-08-24T16:57:00.000-05:00

Ok the last month has been hectic and wonderful and uncertain. I am going to be having surgery but I still don't know when so keep me in your thoughts. Wonderful because I was asked by the People at Simple Scrapbooks to be a part of their

DIGITAL SCRAPBOOKING CREATIVE BOARD 2007 For Simple Scrapbooks Digital Magazine. This means that for the year 2007 I will be a part of this amazing group of woman that I really admire.

I was thinking about my journey in creating and the road that has brought me here and there is one person I really have to thank it is my twenty year old son who bought me this awesome computer two years ago next month, that allows me to do the things I do and to my almost 24 year old daughter who helped me upgrade it so it would be even more powerful. You are only as good as the tools you have. If I had not won that contest two years ago for Joann's I would have not been able to afford my digital Rebel camera. So you see life is all about full circle things.

Here I am today sharing with all of you out there that I am a part of something I have always wanted I am still pinching myself here. That I can share my art and be who I am and be proud of those I represent. As a Puerto Rican Woman I am very proud of this, As a wife I am proud, as a mother I am proud. As a Artist I feel I can say hey here I am. It makes the journey so much sweeter when you can share it with those you love. To my girls in Scrapbooking Puerto Rico I hope we continue to grow strong and you are proud of me. To the women who have offered me their friendship through out the years I have been doing this creating thing I want to say Thank you for inspiring me to be the best that I can be. I hope that in the coming months I continue to be inspired and that I create things that show you a little of who I am and what makes me who I am. There is this lady that I so totally love who wrote this to me today. (Your digital work was a big part of my deciding to go digital--so I really do think the kudos are well deserved. ) What is really sweet about this is that when I first saw her work I could not believe the things she could do with her pages. I would stalk her gallery and when she had something published I would look at the details she used in her pages. I am honored to call her friend. I leave you guys here with some of my work and hope that you are inspired to just go out there and create. The credits for these layouts are lots so here they go A quick Note Gina Cabrera Shabby mega kit. Amy pea font P22cezzane font. Sisters Cocoa love kit SBBP P22cezzane font Damaris Shabby Princess sweet serenity kit font papyrus He is my heart, Shabby Princess Gina Cabrera. Font Ribbon My Inspiration Katie Pertiet quote Michelle Coleman Swirls digi chick paper shabby princess overlay My world complete stamped font ink edges NRJfrebbies. Everything else mine Rollerskating Everything her is mine except the fonts. Total wipeout Tia Dude kit Jumble stamp font. You Evak, Tia Bennet Paper, Evak Paper, Michelle Coleman ink edges and paper Katie Pertiet word art quotes font Pea Tracy. If you come by make sure to leave some love because you know I love you all!! Hugs Wanda

The life of the Artist or I really do think way to much.

2006-08-07T23:59:00.000-05:00

So today I am home this will be my only full week of Vacation nothing planned and I am going to rest and think about curriculum but that is about it. This week will be about creating and enjoying me. I was thinking I have fallen behind in scanning my work so if you see lots of pages they are months of work that because my scanner was dead I could not scan. Not a good thing when you have deadlines but I have no control over some things. The scanner is fine now, it was a software issue so looks like I have a lot of scanning to do. It's hot in my office but since the weather is better I can be here a little longer. I wanted to write and entry today about my creative process and then talk some about Obesity and some of the issues that come from being obese lets see how this goes. I might ramble some but hey it's ok if you get tired of reading the pictures are good too. Someone asked me what is my creative process I thought about it and answered my photos really are what guide what I create. When I see a photo that talks to my heart I have to scrap it. I don't scrap in order dates are not important when you are creating to leave a legacy of love. My intent in creating is to make sure that my kids know what I feel, good or bad and my state of mind. I tell them often enough but if I am not around I want them to have the words somewhere so they can remember their crazy photo taking mother. When I take photos I don't have people pose I just follow people around and shot away. Sometimes I capture something so unique I run to the printer and print the photo right away and then get to work. Depending on my mood the layout may be a little simple or have all the bells and whistles. Like I said it all depends on the photo and the moment. I mainly scrap 8x11 photos but know with my new printer I have even more options to have even bigger photos so I am excited about that. I love my kids for giving me this mothers day gift this year. They always ask me what I want I am truly blessed in that way. I am an eclectic artist I paper scrap and design digital pages too. I love both mediums because they challenge me in different ways. I think that I love to do Hybrid pages for that reason. Pages that start digital and then end up also in my paper layouts. I have one I just scanned but haven't stitched together yet. I also want to share the mood of what I was feeling when I see the photos and what I want people to get when they see the page. Art talks to everyone in a different way. When I see pictures that remind me of my childhood I have to give them a special place in my books. It's all about honoring the traditions you want to pass on to your kids. My books have a little bit of everything. I have over forty five albums and they are all filled with my thoughts and my wishes for my family. I use three ring binders for my pages because some of my pages are a little bumpy and I want to make sure they have room to grow. I started scrapping in 2001 the year I turned 40 and I have been in love with this hobby ever since. I have had the privilege of meeting some amazing artist along the way and develop beautiful friendships with people far and near. I don't really follow trends I just flow with what makes me happy. I think the only way you can achieve your true potential is by being yourself and through my art I do that. You see when I am creating I am no different than anyone my talent doesn't see obesity and any other problem I may have. When it comes to creating that to me is beauty. I can create and share and just be me and not worry about what others are doing because if it makes me happy that is all that matters. I am happy when people reach milestones and fame but to me it's so much more than that. It is about being true to yourself and not have your spirit broken to remain honest and to keep growing and creating. I am a life long learner so I am always curious to try out new things and techniques but it all has to fit within the style that makes me happy. It is hard to explain but to me every page is a little piece of me so they are individuals that fit into the whole of my world. I believe in the power of being connected and through my art I am able to achieve that. Always staying connected to the things I love and feel passionately about. Today's pages are a combination of my love for my country and my family, I hope you enjoy this journey of discovery with me. I will be talking more about obesity in my next entry since this one is kind of long. Love you all out there in Cyber space and know that only you have the power to change the things that you are unhappy about. It is not going to happen unless you do the work. I have learned that the hard way. Hugs Wanda

What is the POINT really!!

2006-08-05T15:04:00.000-05:00

Ok here I am almost two months again without posting you would think I would of figured this out by now if I have a blog I am suppose to write and let people know what I am thinking. The problem is the last two months have been on what I call the dark side and while I have no problem sharing these things that make me human sometimes I just have to sit and think about what is the best course of action for me. I love to write and share my thoughts and looking back at where my mind was at any given time. The problem is that unless you really know me you don't always get the picture. I have been creating which is good I am working on a swap right now that I need to get in the mail by Monday, It's already late but this is the reason I don't do swaps because my life has a way of getting in the way of anything I plan ahead of time. The last two months have been about Dr's appointments and pain and more Dr's appointments and more pain. Depression that comes from the amount of pain I am in and because I realize that I am not in a good place I always consult with my Dr if I need to go back to taking my medication. Right now that is where I am. I have no cartilage or cushion on one of the joints in my left knee so I have bone on bone action going on in my left knee. The outlook is a knee replacement regardless of losing weight or not. So the road to my health and being able to walk is to loss weight because I need to be healthier for the prospect of this surgery. So that is one of the things I will be focusing on these next few months. I started doing some changes nothing big just making sure I ate three times a day and that I only ate if I was hungry and I have lost 25 pounds. Took me a month to loose that much but if anyone is obese they know this is just one step in the right direction, the next few months are about going to Dr's appointments, consults and support groups because I have a very important decision to make related to my health and my future. I will be writing more about this as the months go by and I learn more about what the future will hold for me. The thing about me is that I love me the person I am the spirit that lives in me and that is never going to change. I know my husband loves me regardless of what my weight is, or how I look. My worries have to do with my health which right now except for my knees and sleep apnea is pretty good. I want to continue this way so this is what this journey is about. I am scared but I have a very supportive family that loves me and wants the best for me. I will be talking in my next entries about morbid obesity and how this disease has taken over my life and what I want to do to help myself. In the designing front I think something big is going to happen next year and I am looking forward to this, I continue to do the things I love, defining my style not by trends but based on the things I love to do. I am focusing on the positive not on the negative. I have no time for drama my life is filled with that I don't want my designing to be that. I feel happy with what I create and that is the most important thing. I am happy, happy inside my soul and knowing that even though sometimes life can get dark I am able to come out of the fog stronger and with a new sense of where I want to go and who I want to be. Sometimes it takes courage to be able to let others see how vulnerable you really are but for me is a matter of principle I am not perfect I am human and my humanity shows in everything I do. Life is all about that and people that are not able to see that are losing to much of themselves in the process of denial that comes with that. I have this saying with me what you see is what you get but people sometimes only focus on the beauty of what is outside not in the things that are part of the soul which are the things that make us beautiful after all. Here are some of the pages I have created in the last months, I have more I just need to scan and post. Hugs Wanda

Father's are really special

2006-06-16T20:36:00.000-05:00

I have been thinking about his weekend and what it means to me. You see I adore my Dad but I always keep it real and my Dad and my Mom Divorced when I was little and my relationship with him while not perfect is something that I value and cherish. I remember when I graduated from College and he came to Wisconsin to see me receive my diploma and go see the kids play soccer and share memories with them because once I moved to Wisconsin we did not see each other until then. We talked on the phone, wrote letters, he sent me stuff for the kids and me and he has always been there in spirit and thought but seeing him well that was pretty special getting to hug him and kiss him are things I never take for granted. I saw him last summer and we play phone tag a lot but I know he loves me and that is what makes me value every second I can spend with him. I am not insecure on my love for him because this man has always made me felt loved. My daughter Nyome always questions why I love him so, you see she doesn't get why I can't see the flaws on our relationship. My response to her has always been he is not perfect but he is my Dad and while it's hard for you to understand because you have your Dad with you 24/7 I have never had that so to me what ever time I have with him is special. We get into very deep philosophical discussions about what she calls my denial. You see she uses her Dad as the standard of what a father should be like and let me tell you those are some pretty big shoes to fill so I decided the other day we were not going to go there. It was not fair her reality and mine are not the same. I come from a divorced household and two parents who had a feud that put kids in the middle. It's took years for these things to be dealt with and I am so grateful he stayed around and not abandoned us totally. He is an artist who has things to do and places to go and I have always accepted that. He is my Dad and I love him and in the end that is all that matters. Her father has always been there for her teaching her how to ride a bike, how to skate, drive a car. That is Nyome's reality not mine. Her father was the primary caregiver when we moved to Wisconsin from Puerto Rico. Her Dad was Jimmy's primary caregiver his first two years while Nyome was in college and working. So you see two different realities but I know I love my dad as much as she loves hers. So this post is a tribute to all the men in my family who are father's and have been there for their kids regardless of everything. To my Brother Adalberto, Jeffrey, Alexis who are wonderful fathers who live for their kids and want the best for them. To my husband who is so wonderful there are no words to describe how I feel about this man who after 33 years still makes me feel like I am the most beautiful woman in the world and manages to deal with the bumps that come with being a father to five kids who think they know it all. Someone once told me if you are a good son you will be a good husband and father. My husband was a good son and he is a wonderful father. So this weekend take a moment to celebrate the father's in your life and cherish them and make them feel special. The guy you see here holding this little baby is my brother Jeffrey. He looks like John Michael my youngest son. When I look at him all I can do is smile I have not seen him in person for the last thirty eight years. When I lived in New York we did lots of weekends together and visited with my Dad's family. When we moved to Puerto Rico he stayed with his Mom and my Dad but we didn't see each other. I am planning to go see him with my Nicole sometime soon I hope. My kids were all so happy to get to know this Uncle they have heard about but had never seen. See family is like that when you love each other you deal and you make sure you tell them you love them because life is to short and precious to let these moment go by. Jeff I love you man never doubt that you are my brother and that is more important than anything in the world. The little baby is his grandson and the beautiful woman you see next to him is his wife. So remember tell those father's how special they are and how much you love them it really is very important. Peace out Love yah Wanda

2006-06-16T20:32:00.000-05:00

2006-06-16T20:31:00.000-05:00

2006-06-16T20:28:00.000-05:00

Time to speak my mind and share some thoughts!

2006-06-14T23:34:00.000-05:00

I wanted to come and write for a while and share what my world has been like the last two months but I wanted to make sure I was ready to look at this as a life lesson that would give me something to share and not something to be sad about. Hard to be able to balance this out because When the person you love most in the world is losing their eyesight it's really hard to smile and say yeah everything is ok. Let me share this story because my family reads my blog and some of them don't know all that is going on. About a month and a half ago Jose told me something was going on because he only saw shadows through his right eye I decided to make an appointment in the morning with our family Dr who is the most wonderful Dr in the world. Dr. Kyle is a treasure to the medical profession and I am so happy he is our family Dr. Nicole went with her dad to the Appointment as Jose's English is so limited but he and Dr Kyle figured out something was not right and our world changed in an instant. Emergency appointments with two different eye specialist, our girls there with us for all the appointments people giving us strange looks because our grown daughters are always in the room with us wanting to know what is wrong with their Dad. What is it about this culture that can't understand that not all young adults are uncaring of their parents. Why is it expected that my kids don't respect me or my ideas and that being with us is a good thing not a burden you complain about. I am just saying I am tired of this notion that just because your kids are older and sometimes don't live with you they don't have to care. Pisses me off can you tell. Anyways I digress sorry. The Dr's initial finding Jose is legally blind from his right eye due to fissures in his Retina they have no idea why so they want to leave the eye alone for three months and then if his eyesight or eye doesn't get better interventions or further treatment is needed. The truth he is not getting better Jose never complain about anything and yesterday he was not happy about the pain and grit in his eye he says it feels like sand in his eye. I think we might be looking for a second opinion soon. He wants to go to Puerto Rico with Nicole at the end of the month and I am thinking that will be a very good thing. I think it's 90% it will happen Nicole being a flight attendant makes that part easier. So when he comes back we go and see the Dr and start talking about a new game plan the concern is that the other eye might be feeling the same way. So keep us in your thoughts and prayers. Last weekend my son had his car stolen and the drama of that is still being felt by my stomach everything affects my stomach I hate that. We found the car some damage but it's drivable so he can go to work and I guess we are happy for small Miracles and Nyome and Michael who found the car in an apartment complex in Madison because the police is busy fighting real crime. Oh get this when they were talking to John they were asking him if he knew anyone in the buildings John says man we live in Deerfield and all we do is work why must you ask these question please. The car was stolen not borrowed not misplaced it was stolen, I tell yah!! The sad part is the only reason they were asking these question is because the majority of the people living in this particular apartment complex are latinos so of course we had to be lying about the car being stolen. We didn't want charges being brought to anyone we just wanted our car and since we have it end of story. So to add to my ongoing drama of the last months I don't have a school for next year to work in. I have a contract but no job so life can get a little stressful to say the least. The program I have been working for the last three years got cut by the district due to budgets cuts and lack of educational funding thank you no child left behind and so I find myself with out a job for the time being and feeling lost. I will be working summer school as I have been doing the last 15 years and looking forward to this. Creating books with my kids during the summer that document their lives and the things they are passionate about makes me happy inside. For people who read my blog if you want to donate anything to our classroom let me know by e-mail cardstock is always needed and adhesives. I know I will be taking some photos for some of the kids as I always do and printing them out. I will also be taking senior photos of a very special young man who's life has touched mine in a very special way. Last summer his mom called to ask what did I do to her son whatever it was she was so thankful it was sweet. I kept in touch with him all year and he has done so good and I am so proud of him. So my gift to him will be his senior portraits looking forward to that. I know this is something he wants he just doesn't know it will be my gift to him. See I have to keep looking at the positive of my life. So you see looking at the positive side of all these things has been a little difficult but in the mist of the storm good things happened and it's a reminder of how lucky and blessed I am. Another blessing my brother Jeffrey is in my life again the magic of the internet is priceless and being able to be in touch after so many years of not seeing each other has been a source of joy. I know he will read this and want to make sure he knows that when I read his emails all I can do is smile. My oldest sister Eva became a grandmother and she had abuelitis which is a wonderful thing I got pictures of the baby and he is precious and I am so happy for her. Jimmy has been such a blessing in our lives I know Gadiel Eliah will be a blessing for all of them. Lynnette is going to be a wonderful mother. Eva know how much I love you and miss you. I wish I was there with all of you. So I have not created anything until this week when my muse started saying hey we need to create and I have four projects for Diversity designs. I am working on some projects for scraptalk.com and on other stuff. Will see what the muse brings. I leave you with some images of the people I love and love me.

My little sister's photo shoot!!

2006-05-08T21:13:00.000-05:00

I had the pleasure today of taking some photos for my little sister. I like how that sounds. It makes me feel important, but in reality I am just an instrument and my camera is the tool. When I take photos, I always feel that I can capture the essence of what is inside a person. Beauty is not always about what is outside, it is what you project from the soul. When I look at these photos, I see more than a beautiful face. I see what is not available to the human eye. I see soul. It is truly wonderful to see that years of knowing someone can either bring you an understanding of what they are, or you just might not have a clue. Either way, I like to think I am someone who knows something, whatever that is. I think in the photos I captured her essence. She is beautiful, soft, and caring. Sometimes I don't think she sees that, but for us, the people that watch and care, we see that and more. I don't think life is perfect; my family is not perfect. What I do know is that the deep bond and love we have for each other will always carry us through any storm life brings our way. Today, on the month of her birthday, I honor her with my love, imperfect as it may be, and with a rich understanding that we might not always agree on everything, but when it comes to loving each other, we have plenty of that. Eva, don't get jealous. I will have one for you too. Hugs, Wanda

I love to create creating makes me happy!!

2006-05-01T22:06:00.000-05:00

Here are pages I have made in the past weeks and have been wanting to share! I have a lot of things on my mind but what I have to say is coming from a deep place in my heart so it will have to wait until I am less emotional!!

Some people touch your lives and you just have to say Thank you!

2006-04-27T21:23:00.000-05:00

Nature is a beautiful thing, it reminds us of renewal and of the things that are worth fighting for in life. I keep going back to my mantra to live life with a purpose making your life count for something. This is something that I am thinking about constantly to be able to articulate these thoughts and sound coherent well that is an animal of a different color. I wanted in this post today to celebrate some of the things I love. I love nature the beauty it brings me everyday when I open my eyes and I am able to see the beautiful things I am surrounded by. My family, friend, flowers. I love the Jimmy this child is such a joy and such a special kid. Today I was getting my hair cut and he says after I am done Oh Abuela you look beautiful. Now tell me if that is not special. My family well what can I say I love them all faults and all. Friend well this is what I am going to be focusing on today. I have the honor of working with an awesome team DDD7 designs these ladies are part of my daily life and I love them all getting to meet most of them in CHA Vegas was wonderful, I look forward to meeting Caro soon. Sharing these time with them made me realize how lucky I am to have people like this in my life. Everyday I want them to know I celebrate them and their creativity and the love they share for me. It is nothing I take for granted. Today I want to talk about a very special Lady her name is Teri I met her some years ago we were in the same Design team Paper Love designs and now we are in another team Scraptalk.com we are Pink Ladies. Well the story goes we have been talking through the net many years and finally this January we got to meet at CHA and all I have to say is what a wonderful caring human being she is. We saw each other and there it was that instant recognition of two kindred souls who know what it is to live in adversity and have creativity as a outlet. The more we talked the more I felt like I was talking to a sister and it made me realize how fortunate I am to have been connected to people like this through this art of mine. Teri is an artist that thinks outside the box and is always pushing boundaries of creativity. She was doing the whole hand journaling thing before it was cool. Freestyle was a Teri thing before freestyle got a name. The thing about teri is that she is humble and quiet but she is an artist and she is also my friend what an honor to be able to call you that. Teri to many years of friendship and to the true meaning of pure art which is you!! Hugs Wanda

I am happy because I remain true to who I am

2006-04-19T23:01:00.000-05:00

See that title it is the mantra that I live my life under. I refuse to be anything but honest and sincere about who I am and what I stand for. That may not always mean I am the most popular person in the world but it means that I am living life with a purpose. I am having one of those weeks where I see the extremes of raising a family that is closed knit and that cares deeply for each other. The good that comes from that like the girls doing groceries while I am at work. Jose folding all my clothes when he does the laundry and bringing it upstairs so I can put it away. The tears shed for a life gone because of the cruelty of our society and the inability to address the issues of mental instability and sickness that are suffered in our country and the world. I truly believe that this is the reason people automedicate and use drugs legal or illegal. I am tired of seeing life wasted and not lived with a purpose. I am thinking something should be done but some days it's hard for me to see the light. So I continue to say to those I love I love them and try to guide them in anyway I can through a path of enlightenment so they can make choices that will help them live a life of purpose. I have to keep reminding myself how important the path is, not for me to walk it for them but to make sure I am there to pick them up if they need some help along the way. You don't stop being a mother because your children grow up. It becomes an even more complex situation because not only are you a mother sometimes you have to be a friend and sometimes you just have to be. I think that one is the hardest for me because even though Nyome says I don't want to admit I have control issues I know I do and letting go it's not easy at all but I do it even when it pains me. That is motherhood in a nutshell this give and take of love respect and flexibility that at the end of the day allows you to be hugged by your kid and be told everyday you are loved. I never get tired of hearing that those words help me get up in the morning and face the day. In the designing front I am working on some projects and I am one of the Artist highlighted on http://www.diversitydesigns.net/ I was also asked to be a part of their design team and I am honored by the request looking forward to the challenge. I leave you with some of my pages that I haven't share yet on my blog.

They are my treasure and joy!

2006-04-13T17:39:00.000-05:00

All my life I have been grateful for family it is what keeps me centered and gives me strength and allows me to find a purpose. I look at my family as my legacy on this earth. Not perfect but with a purpose. My new mantra for my life is going to be LIVE LIFE WITH A PURPOSE. I am trying to get the message across that regardless of who you are and what you do you always can live a life of purpose. Make your life count touch a life in some way shape or form, either by a smile, a touch, a little note that lets them know you care. Stand up against racism and prejudice, don't sit down quietly when you see an injustice, above all be the best person you can be. We all have problems but if all we do is dwell on them how is that going to help you move on and live life with a purpose. Don't get me wrong I have a lot of worries and they are all very real. I am always worried about money because I really am the working poor in order for me to go to school and get my degree I had to obtain a lot of Debt and that is never fun. I was just surplus from my job and it adds a stress I don't need in my life. The only good thing is that I do have a 13 year seniority and a strong Union so I think I will have a job next year not sure where but hopeful where ever it is I will live a life with a purpose. For people that follow my blog I am still selling scarves you can start getting ready for Christmas gifts or next winter. Feel free to email me if you have any questions. I leave you with all these photos I took yesterday as my girls, grandson and our dog Amapola where outside enjoying a beautiful day. Hugs Wanda Remember Live life with a purpose it means something!

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Life is a series of up and downs but in the end the family is what matters!

2006-04-13T17:33:00.000-05:00

This photo makes me smile!!

2006-03-30T20:21:00.000-06:00

He was getting ready to go to the school concert, I am not sure he was to trilled to go but he sure looked cute!! I am so lucky ot have this little boy in my life. He helps me keep perspective!!Hugs Wanda

Baking is Fun!!

2006-03-14T09:58:00.000-06:00

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Baking Cookies with Mama

2006-03-14T09:45:00.000-06:00

Making cookies is one of Jimmy's and Nyome's favorite things to do. I am usually at work or not around to take photos but I got lucky and it's Spring Break and I got to captured the moment. This is what really life is all about! Hugs Wanda

I love U !!

2006-02-12T18:38:00.000-06:00

This is just so Jimmy!! Nicole I know you will get it. Hugs Wanda

What was he thinking!!

2006-02-12T18:37:00.000-06:00

I love you Titi!!

This is for my Titi Nicole you know you love me!! I love

2006-02-12T18:08:00.000-06:00

I took some pictures of Jimmy today and I wanted his Titi Nicole to know he says he love her and misses her and wants her to do her best. I think the pictures will remind you of what is important!! Hugs Mom

This is for a Beautiful Daughter who always makes me Smile

2006-02-11T16:19:00.000-06:00

So many things make you who you are and trying to capture that is not always an easy task. You are strong and funny and vulnerable all combined in this beautiful package called Woman. I love each and everyone of the things that makes you the person you are. The world may not always get you but remember I do and I will be here for you always. Well unless I die and then you will have this to remember that I am your number one fan. Love Mom That is the journaling I wrote on this layout dedicated to a very special lady. My daughter Nicole is going to be 21 on Feb 19 and I hope she is home by then but I have a feeling she wont be. She is training for a new job as a flight Attendant and life has been pretty rough the last two weeks. The people that know me from the boards or have met me in person and have met her know what a special young woman she is. I have no idea why there are people in the world that get off making others feel stupid, some of that is due to ignorance some of it is just hatred. I don't know what it is but I know this last week I have been so worried about her. She has the biggest giving heart in the world and she has no problem helping me tie my shoes or giving a ride whenever I need one. She is always willing to sacrifice for her family. She bought a new used car so her dad could have her two year old Saturn to drive because our cars are dying and we have no money or credit to buy a new one, bankruptcy will do that to you. This is the kind of spirit I am talking about. So if you read my blog and you know Nicole either through my work or have been lucky enough to have met her keep her in your prayers and thoughts so she can survive this week and graduate from training. Feel free to post a message or two and let her know if her story has touched your lives. I know that the people who have known me for years know what I am talking about so leave some love for my beautiful Nicole. Hugs Wanda Credits for the Elements on this page Shabby Princess Splendid Kit I love her stuff.

Thoughts on life HOF and finding Me!!

2006-02-08T23:56:00.000-06:00

Ok I should be in Bed I have to work and life is bad enough with out sleep but I am reminded I have this blog and I like to write and put things down on paper for a reason and so the computer calls and I answer the request. Maybe it's just my compulsive nature but here I am talking as if someone is actually reading what I have to say. Last year I was working towards a goal get published more, working on it, Design for Manufacturers that loved my work and who's product made me happy. DDD7 makes me happy, same-differences makes me happy, being a freelance Designer makes me happy. Designing for Croppers Cottage makes me happy and working with Deb at Scraptalk.com makes me happy too. I was asked at CHA to be part of the Grassroots team and I said Yes surreal I tell you but that made me very happy and there is other stuff I am working on and hopefully I can share later. The biggest thing that I feel has happened to me is that I decided not to enter HOF and I am happy with my choice I worked really hard on all my entries and that makes me happy but I did not want to enter just because I wanted to enter. I wanted to enter if I believed in what I was doing. So since I was not believing in what I was doing I decided not to enter and focus on the things I am doing right now. See simple! Right not! These pages are just three of my HOF Layouts I love them all but I will have to share little by little so you keep coming back. The New Spanish line by DDD7 was a hit and it's so beautiful people keep asking me when will it be available my answer is soon. The new French papers are to die for and I get to play with all this stuff I tell you. This is why I am happy. The scarves are doing well I will post pictures of the ones I have left so if you are interested you can buy. I need the money to buy the printer and all those new things coming out. Hey in return you get a beautiful scarf and I am also making flip flops more on that later when Donna post a photo of the ones I gave her and her daughter. This post is about being happy even when things are not perfect, I love my life drama and all and I love the people that touch my life!! Leave a message if you read this!! Hugs Wanda

My Friend Jodi!!

2006-02-05T01:04:00.000-06:00

I met Jodi years ago through a board we both visited. When I was in Vegas we hooked up!! It was like talking to an old friend. I love her energy and her spirit and I am so proud to call her friend! Life is like that sometimes you just have to roll with it! Jodi thank you for being a friend and for your love and for being you!! Hugs Wanda

I have been taged twice by Julia and Sylvie!

2006-01-19T12:31:00.000-06:00

I guess since I have been tagged twice I need to answer these Four jobs you've had in your life:Nurse Assistant, HospitalClerk,Domestic Goddess,Teacher movies you would watch over and over: Priscilla Queen of the Desert, Too Wong Foo thanks for everything Julie Newmar, Traffic, Dirty Dancing Four places you have lived:New York, Puerto Rico, Madison Wisconsin, Deerfield Wiscoson Four T.V. shows you love to watch: CSI Miami, CSI New York, Law and Order anything, Daily Show Four places you have been on vacation: Puerto Rico, California, Wisconsin Dells Four websites you visit daily:Croppers Cottage, Two peas, Sylvie's place, Blogs Four of your favorite foods:Arroz con gandules, Steak, pork chops, alcapurias Four places you would rather be right now:Home working on projects for CHA, Puerto Rico sitting on the beach taking photos, Home, Home. Four bloggers you are tagging Carolyn, Becca, Marnie, Christie That was fun The scarves are selling well and I want to make sure people remeber I am doing this so pass the word. I will update phots of others I have finished and take out the photos for the ones that are already gone. Hugs Wanda

My creations!

2006-01-09T21:50:00.000-06:00

I have been creating like crazy because I need to make my mind calm down. The month of December has been difficult to say the least and life has just hit me hard. The good news Jose is doing better he is taking care of himself and listening more how long will that last will see. He will be having regular check ups every four months to monitor his lymph nodes and life will go on. People that know me know I love the art of creating and that money is not something that is abundant in our house. In our house love is the ingredient that keeps us going. This Christmas the kids got together with hubby so I could buy my HP 8750 Printer but my motherboard died on the computer and now I need to raise money to buy the printer. This is where project scarves comes in. During Jose Surgery I made three and the rest is history the past two weeks because I was battling with the pain of loosing another loved one to depression and the pain of foot spurs, all I could do was crochet and that is what I did. My family who loves me and puts up with my craziness are modeling the scarves I have created these do not include the ones I gave to my kids for Christmas and three kings or the shawl and scarf I made for my MOM. I have been busy. Now if you are interested in the scarf project I accept paypal at gel2mat@yahoo.com the cost for each scarf is 24.99 plus shipping which I am rounding at 5 dollars. So for 29.99 you will have a one of a kind Wanda's Creation made with a lot of love. The scarves are made with high quality yarns and fibers each is soft not only to the touch but to the eye. No two scarves are alike I only will create one model of each yarn. The hat and scarf set is 30.00 plus shipping. The photos really don't do the scarves justice, any questions feel free to e-mail me. Let me know what you think, feedback is always appreciated. Hugs Wanda

Sold Scarf

2006-01-09T21:49:00.001-06:00

Sold Scarf

2006-01-09T21:49:00.000-06:00

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2006-01-09T21:45:00.000-06:00

Sold!!

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2006-01-09T21:43:00.000-06:00