My life as always is a series of movements that all combined are the essence of what makes me the person I am today but for whatever reason also makes me think of things way to much and I decided I needed a rest from Cyber space so I could figure out what was really getting to me. It is not easy going through changes in our own personal world. When those changes involve not only you but all the things you always strive for. Combine that with a family that is also in constant change and fluctuation and you get me. While it is not an excuse for being absent so long it is more of an explanation as to why I stopped blogging and writing even though both things are important in my life and make me happy. What I know is that since June my life has taken many roads, some of which I can share with everyone and some of which can't be really shared because they involved people in my family that need to be protected and I do like to respect the wishes of those I love. I will start by sharing that I have a new grandson his name is Zion Xavier and he was born on September 10, 2007 at four o'clock in the morning. I was his mother's doula and what an honor to be a part of my daughter and my grandson's life in this way. My daughter Nicole and I where there to assist her and the photos we took tell the story of a little boy brought into this world with love and a family that will always be there to protect him. He is getting bigger and bigger as the weeks turn into months. His Mom and him have bonded and big brother Jimmy loves being a big brother. I love that I can see the development of this precious child and document him. I think that is a blessing I will never take for granted. Thanksgiving was wonderful except My older son was working and could not make it but otherwise my kids were there. Jimmy was with his Dad and this place our home is not the same unless he is around. I had my third surgery on October 11, 2007 Hernia repair with mesh. It has taken a while for my body to get back into the swing of things but now it looks like it might. The Dr says I may go back to work on January 22, 2008 so I am looking forward to that I miss my students and the energy they bring to my life. I think in the mist of all the changes it is important that I revisit the day my life changed forever.
On Dec 12, 2006 I underwent gastric bypass surgery on of the photos is the collage is of me the day of my surgery. I was out an about walking right after surgery, I knew that that was the most important thing the Dr. had focused on when we talked about my recuperation. At my highest weight I was 430 pounds plus. The day I was going to see Dr Keil I was 409 pounds and when I had the surgery I was 369 pounds. Today I am 204 pounds and I feel like a totally different woman. The changes have not been easy. I still find it hard to find my space in the world, being a large person for so long offered the spectrum of invisibility and criticism that made me a very strong person. I developed a lot of what I did as a person surrounded by this larger than life beautiful woman and here I am devoid of all of this and I find myself loss. Why do I talk about this because when people are thinking of bypass surgery this is one of those subject that is never really talked about. People talk about missing food. I don't miss food I eat what I need to but really don't focus on food because for me that is not important. I have developed healthier eating habits that have been embraced by my family and that makes me feel that my grandsons will have the perfect balance in their lives when it comes to food. Jimmy would much rather eat a clementine than eat candy. I love watching him use his motor skills to peel an Orange for a kid with sensory autism issues that is a big deal.
My biggest issue when it comes to the weight loss is finding myself and embracing the new person that is emerging from the layers of fat that have protected me all these years. As a victim of Abuse it was very easy for me to hide behind this fat and be invisible to others and be accepted by others on my terms. Now as the fat goes away the person that is emerging is dealing with so many emotional changes I felt it was necessary for me to take a break and try to find me. The truth is that I have not found me yet but what I do know is that unless I embrace the person I am today and all the implies I can't love me. I loved this big woman that always had something to say and now I find myself thinking twice what I have to say, part of it is because now people listen more our society is that way, but part of it is that I feel I have lost my voice and that the world is not ready for anything I have to say. These thoughts are not the reality of who I am so I struggle with this person that looks at me in the mirror everyday. I look and I have a hard finding me, I know I am there but it does not look like me and it does not feel like me and right now the truth is not easy for people to understand, so I smile and I embrace the changes because I know I am a beautiful woman inside that has for so many years given of herself to her family. I know that I travel this road I will find me and in this finding I will rejoice life is all about fluctuations and change and I always have embraced changes.
I think one of the reasons the changes have hit me so hard is because they have been so fast, in a year in lest than a year I lost more than 200 pounds, I have had three surgeries and I am on disability from work, my routine is different than when I was working. I focus on myself and my body I walk, do exercises and make sure I create. I thank my lucky stars everyday for the Scrapbook superstore and the wonderful owner who allows me to be me and has embraced my creativity. The only reason I am still sane has to do with them. I want to talk more about the lost of self in another entry not because I am still lost but because I am sure that there are people out there dealing with the same thing and I hope I can help. The list of first I have been able to do in the few months keeps growing so I need to document all that and also that I have lost over 80 inches all over my body. So although my life as always is not a calm oasis I would not change a thing because it is my life and everyday is an opportunity for growth and to learn. I realize that if I don't grow within the changes that are happening to me I will not become centered and life for me is all about that. I want to make sure Sylvie my best friend in cyber world knows I love her and I am always here for her, and the ladies at scrapbooking PR know I always think of all of you and you are always in my heart. My hermanita Eva te quiero mucho, Jeffrey I love ya! Mami and Papo thank you for all you do to me and Damaris I will never forget the words we shared after my surgery. To all you reading this is the blog world remember life is what you decide to make of it, embracing the you that is here today will help you become a better person tomorrow, remember a smile is free and when you give one you can make somebody's day. Peace out Hugs Wanda
I
My life as always is a series of movements that all combined are the essence of what makes me the person I am today but for whatever reason also makes me think of things way to much and I decided I needed a rest from Cyber space so I could figure out what was really getting to me. It is not easy going through changes in our own personal world. When those changes involve not only you but all the things you always strive for. Combine that with a family that is also in constant change and fluctuation and you get me. While it is not an excuse for being absent so long it is more of an explanation as to why I stopped blogging and writing even though both things are important in my life and make me happy. What I know is that since June my life has taken many roads, some of which I can share with everyone and some of which can't be really shared because they involved people in my family that need to be protected and I do like to respect the wishes of those I love. I will start by sharing that I have a new grandson his name is Zion Xavier and he was born on September 10, 2007 at four o'clock in the morning. I was his mother's doula and what an honor to be a part of my daughter and my grandson's life in this way. My daughter Nicole and I where there to assist her and the photos we took tell the story of a little boy brought into this world with love and a family that will always be there to protect him. He is getting bigger and bigger as the weeks turn into months. His Mom and him have bonded and big brother Jimmy loves being a big brother. I love that I can see the development of this precious child and document him. I think that is a blessing I will never take for granted. Thanksgiving was wonderful except My older son was working and could not make it but otherwise my kids were there. Jimmy was with his Dad and this place our home is not the same unless he is around. I had my third surgery on October 11, 2007 Hernia repair with mesh. It has taken a while for my body to get back into the swing of things but now it looks like it might. The Dr says I may go back to work on January 22, 2008 so I am looking forward to that I miss my students and the energy they bring to my life. I think in the mist of all the changes it is important that I revisit the day my life changed forever.
On Dec 12, 2006 I underwent gastric bypass surgery on of the photos is the collage is of me the day of my surgery. I was out an about walking right after surgery, I knew that that was the most important thing the Dr. had focused on when we talked about my recuperation. At my highest weight I was 430 pounds plus. The day I was going to see Dr Keil I was 409 pounds and when I had the surgery I was 369 pounds. Today I am 204 pounds and I feel like a totally different woman. The changes have not been easy. I still find it hard to find my space in the world, being a large person for so long offered the spectrum of invisibility and criticism that made me a very strong person. I developed a lot of what I did as a person surrounded by this larger than life beautiful woman and here I am devoid of all of this and I find myself loss. Why do I talk about this because when people are thinking of bypass surgery this is one of those subject that is never really talked about. People talk about missing food. I don't miss food I eat what I need to but really don't focus on food because for me that is not important. I have developed healthier eating habits that have been embraced by my family and that makes me feel that my grandsons will have the perfect balance in their lives when it comes to food. Jimmy would much rather eat a clementine than eat candy. I love watching him use his motor skills to peel an Orange for a kid with sensory autism issues that is a big deal.
My biggest issue when it comes to the weight loss is finding myself and embracing the new person that is emerging from the layers of fat that have protected me all these years. As a victim of Abuse it was very easy for me to hide behind this fat and be invisible to others and be accepted by others on my terms. Now as the fat goes away the person that is emerging is dealing with so many emotional changes I felt it was necessary for me to take a break and try to find me. The truth is that I have not found me yet but what I do know is that unless I embrace the person I am today and all the implies I can't love me. I loved this big woman that always had something to say and now I find myself thinking twice what I have to say, part of it is because now people listen more our society is that way, but part of it is that I feel I have lost my voice and that the world is not ready for anything I have to say. These thoughts are not the reality of who I am so I struggle with this person that looks at me in the mirror everyday. I look and I have a hard finding me, I know I am there but it does not look like me and it does not feel like me and right now the truth is not easy for people to understand, so I smile and I embrace the changes because I know I am a beautiful woman inside that has for so many years given of herself to her family. I know that I travel this road I will find me and in this finding I will rejoice life is all about fluctuations and change and I always have embraced changes.
I think one of the reasons the changes have hit me so hard is because they have been so fast, in a year in lest than a year I lost more than 200 pounds, I have had three surgeries and I am on disability from work, my routine is different than when I was working. I focus on myself and my body I walk, do exercises and make sure I create. I thank my lucky stars everyday for the Scrapbook superstore and the wonderful owner who allows me to be me and has embraced my creativity. The only reason I am still sane has to do with them. I want to talk more about the lost of self in another entry not because I am still lost but because I am sure that there are people out there dealing with the same thing and I hope I can help. The list of first I have been able to do in the few months keeps growing so I need to document all that and also that I have lost over 80 inches all over my body. So although my life as always is not a calm oasis I would not change a thing because it is my life and everyday is an opportunity for growth and to learn. I realize that if I don't grow within the changes that are happening to me I will not become centered and life for me is all about that. I want to make sure Sylvie my best friend in cyber world knows I love her and I am always here for her, and the ladies at scrapbooking PR know I always think of all of you and you are always in my heart. My hermanita Eva te quiero mucho, Jeffrey I love ya! Mami and Papo thank you for all you do to me and Damaris I will never forget the words we shared after my surgery. To all you reading this is the blog world remember life is what you decide to make of it, embracing the you that is here today will help you become a better person tomorrow, remember a smile is free and when you give one you can make somebody's day. Peace out Hugs Wanda
I
